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Curious Times No. 263
September 24, 2004

NEWS IS WHAT WE SAY IT IS
Okay boys and girls, it’s time once again for this year’s top 25 censored news stories, brought to us by the fine folks at Project Censored. For some very heavy reading, hit www.projectcensored.org for in-depth analysis of all 25 stories. Or, for a barely-scratching-the-surface-overview just continue reading this blurb. Among the top 25, no less than a dozen can be traced back directly to censorship from the Bush administration, including No. 2: Ashcroft versus the human rights law that holds corporations accountable; No. 3: Bush administration censors science; No. 8: Cheney’s energy task force and the energy policy; and No. 17: U.S. government represses labor unions in Iraq in quest for business privatization. Other lowlights of last year’s under-reported news include these gems: No. 6: the sale of electoral politics; No. 11: the media can legally lie; No. 15: U.S. develops lethal new viruses; No. 16: law enforcement agencies spy on innocent citizens; No. 19: global food cartel fast becoming the world’s supermarket; No. 24: reinstating the draft; and No. 25: Walmart brings inequality and low prices to the world. Happy reading! (ProjectCensored.org)

HOW TO ATTRACT HORNY YOUNG MEN TO YOUR CULT
It’s been a while since the folks from the “we’ll do anything for publicity” wing of the Raelian cult have graced this column, but now they’re back. In case you’ve just joined us recently, the Raelians follow the lead of “Rael,” a French race car driver who was abducted by aliens in 1973 and asked to build an embassy in Jerusalem to welcome the space visitors to Earth. Since that day, the Raelians have created a massive fund-raising machine of over 50,000 followers in order to build said embassy. But back to the present moment: this month, three sexy followers of Rael are posing nude in Playboy magazine in an attempt to attract horny young men to the religion. Shizue Koneko, Rael’s personal assistant, is particularly proud to be featured in the spread, considering that she’s 38 years old. She claims that the Raelian’s philosophy of sexual freedom has helped her keep her figure. In celebration of the free publicity, Rael will give a speech on the topic of “Nudity and Spirituality ” at this month’s Raelian convention in Montreal, where he will also be awarding Hugh Hefner the title of “Honorary Priest.” (rael.org)

BUT IT’LL BE TOUGH GETTING THE VICTIMS TO TESTIFY
For all you sickos out there in California who thought necrophilia was a victimless crime, well, your free ride is over. After two years of work California lawmakers finally made it a crime to have sex with a dead person. Up until now, corpse-diddlers could not be charged with anything other than breaking and entering, and no charge at all was applicable to mortuary workers who got caught up in the sexual excitement of being surrounded by stiffs. The legislators aren’t sure exactly how many dead bodies they are protecting with this new law. “Nobody knows the full extent of the problem,” said an expert in necrophilia law (freak!), “but a handful of instances over the past decade is frequent enough to have a bill concerning it.” The new legislation makes sex with a corpse a felonry punishable by up to eight years in prison. (Yahoo News)

YOU THINK YOU’RE PARENTS ARE WEIRD?
According to this story out of Maryland, there is a couple in that state who have raised a cabbage patch doll as their son for the past 19 years. Apparently Pat and Joe Posey treat their “son” Kevin as a human who goes everywhere with them and even talks to them through the ventriloquist stylings of father Joe. Weirded out yet? Wait, there’s more... “Kevin” has his own 1,000 sq. ft. playroom, a doll-sized Corvette, a pet dog, a full wardrobe and almost $5000 in his college fund. To top it all off, this warped couple actually favours the cabbage patch kid to their own real-life daughter Vicky, who is now an adult and presumably got the hell out of that house as soon as she was old enough to leap from her bedroom window. (Ananova)

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MINI-MOO
A Cuban rancher has managed to create a new breed of mini-cows which he claims are the perfect source of milk for Cuban families. Raul Hernandez began five years ago when neighbours ridiculed the puny size of a tiny bull which he owned. In a stroke of ingeniousness, Hernandez mated the bull with the smallest cow he could find. Several generations of breeding experiments later, Hernandez is now breeding cows which are about the size of a large dog. Although they don’t yield much meat, the cows deliver four or five liters of milk per day and need much less space and grass to survive. (AP)

NOW THAT TOURISTS HAVE RUINED EVERY INCH OF THE EARTH, LET’S SEND THEM INTO SPACE
The reality of space tourism is getting closer each day. The latest estimates from technical experts who are designing orbiting space hotels say that the first functional vehicles could be in orbit as early as 2008. Experts predict that the space tourism industry will grow slowly at first, with prices for short trips up around the $100,000 mark, but competition will cut that price at least in half, and as many as 12,000 tourist per year should be enjoying weightless sex in space hotels by 2020. (New Scientist)

I THOUGHT JEWS WERE AGAINST ETHNIC CLEANSING AND FINAL SOLUTIONS
As if the middle east isn’t fucked up enough, last Saturday’s announcement of the creation of an extreme right-wing political party in Israel will certainly shatter any hopes of peace in the region for a long time to come. And I don’t use the word “extreme” lightly. According to co-founder Ben Elyaho, the new party will be dedicated to the expulsion of all non-Jews from Israel and the occupied territories. “Our party calls for cleansing the region extending from the River Jordan to the Mediterranean from the Goyem and thus guaranteeing a Jewish majority of no less than 90% throughout the Land of Israel,” said Elyaho, adding that this (final) solution would “resolve all of Israel’s political, economic and social problems.” (Al-Jazeera)