I’M TOO LAZY TO WRITE A HEADLINE
Last week I wrote about the French author who wrote a book called “Hello Laziness,” about the joys of doing as little work as possible on the job. If that idea strikes a chord with you, you might not want to miss the first ever “National Convention of the Idle,” being held in a village on near the Italian-Swiss border. According to one of the organizers of the event, idleness is not a vice, but is actually a sign of intelligence, as idle people find smart ways of getting things done with less effort. If lazy people bother to show up for the event, they’ve been promised that the seminar on laziness will last less than half an hour and a long siesta will be mandatory. Along with tips on perfecting the art of laziness, participants will also learn the 10 commandments of avoiding effort, which include letting others always make the first move and never volunteering for anything. (BBC)

YOU MAY NOW EAT THE BRIDE
A Pakistani man who enjoys eating carpets, light bulbs, teacups, glass and grass is blaming his bizarre diet on his inability to find a wife. Allah Wasayo, 55, says that his relatives will not allow him to marry because they fear he will eventually eat his wife. Wasayo has had x-rays done which show that there is nothing unusual about his digestive system, yet he has never been cut by the sharp objects he eats and has never suffered from stomach aches or digestive problems. “All eatables taste the same to me,” he says, “I eat carpets, cups, saucers, pieces of glass, pulao, chicken karahi and grass with the same fervor.” (Ananova)

I WOULD’VE GOT YOU A CARD BUT I HATE YOU
Unfortunately this next piece is from the Weekly World News, but wouldn’t it be fun if this story was real... The WWN claims that an international panel of mental health experts has proclaimed that August 31 will be National Hate Day. On this day, you will be able to release all the pent-up frustration you experience during the rest of the year, and let it out in a 24-hour hate-on during which time you are encouraged to smack you neighbours, kick your in-laws, punch rude clerks, throw drinks at bad waiters and do anything else that releases the hostility you suppress while trying to be nice. “Stress comes from keeping your real feelings bottled up. If you’re human, you hate everyone you meet,” says Dr. Julius Finneberg, supposedly a Swiss psychiatrist, “our studies show that if an individual can look forward to a chance to express all the rage they suppress, it will dramatically slash stress levels...let it all hang out and the world will be a better place.”