DYING WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE
A German study has found that having an affair can by deadly for men. Not because their wives might have them killed if they found out, but because men are about twice as likely to die during sex with their mistresses than with their wives. Research done at the Centre for Forensic Medicine in Frankfurt studied over 30,000 deaths covering the last 30 years, and found 60 men had died during sex, almost all by heart attack. Of those, only one in four died in the arms of their wife, over half of them died during an unfaithful fling, and the rest died during masturbation. One possible explanation may be that the added stress of having sex during an affair may have caused the heart attacks, but the researchers only conclusion was that the men were trying harder to impress their extra-marital lovers, and that extra effort caused enough strain on the heart to kill them. (Agence France-Presse)

THE WEIRD AND WACKY LIVES OF THE RICH AND POWERFUL
Last week I briefly mentioned the Skull & Bones Society, and how rumours have it that George Bush and John Kerry probably masturbated in a coffin as an initiation rite into that secretive organization. Apparently, that’s just the half of it. According to a very radical writer named Sherman H. Skolnick (who has many fascinating but freaky articles posted at www.skolnicksreport.com) the Skull & Bones society is an “elite cabal made up of primarily pedophiles and homosexuals, all pledged to exteme secrecy in return for the doors of finance, industry, central government, and media to be thrown open to them.” As for the initiation rite mentioned above, Skolnick claims that during the rite of passage, two initiates “while naked, have to homo-sex cavort in a mud-filled double size coffin.” Now there’s an image I don’t really want in my head.

DON’T FORGET TO ORDER A COUPLE OF SMOKES FOR AFTERWARDS
Horny young Swedes who forget to buy condoms now have a handy solution in the form of a "condom ambulance" which will deliver the necessary protection to couples in need. The Swedish Organizaton for Sex Education started the service in order to stop the rapid increase of sexually transmitted diseases amoung young adults. "We need to increase the usage of condoms," said spokesperson Carl Osvald, "it is 50 percent about pregnancy and 50 percent about sexually transmitted diseases." Now, when you're all hot and bothered but missing the vital piece of the puzzle to get your rocks off, all you need to do is dial 696969 and a white van featuring a large red condom with wings as its logo will deliver a pack of 10 condoms right to your door. (Yahoo News)

---

---

AND NOW, EVEN DRINKING A GLASS OF WATER IS A SIN
As if trying to remain a kosher Jew in New York city isn't difficult enough, a recent test from the Department of Environmental Protection found that the city's drinking water contains milions of tiny organisms called copepods. The problem for Othodox Jews is that their teachings prohibit the eating of any crustaceans, even if they are less than a millimeter long. The concern over New York's drinking water began a few weeks ago after an exporter of kosher vegetables claimed that their products had become infested with the insects after being washed in New York tap water. For now, the only solutions seems to be buying a kosher water filter. (AP)

THE BOMB’S IN THE MAIL
The Swedish postal service is facing a review of its security procedures after a package marked “Warning, bomb!” and “Now you’ll have it!” was casually delivered to its recipient, who took the package to the police to have the bomb squad open it. After revealing nothing but a pair of shoes, the man admitted that the friend who sent him the package has a bit of a warped sense of humour. A spokesperson from the post office said that the postal employees only delivered the package because they were convinced it was a hoax, but admitted that they should have contacted the police regardless. (AP)

ANOTHER ONE-TERM BUSH
Excellent news on the Michael Moore vs. George W. Bush front of this “war on terror.” Moore has finally found distributors for his new film Fahrenheit 9/11 and the North American release date is set for June 25. Check out the trailer of this flick at www.fahrenheit911.com, which opens with the line “If you thought governments were secretive... if you thought corporations were greedy... you ain’t seen nothing yet.” If this trailer is any indication, this film should go a long way towards exposing the way in which the ruling elite create fear, war, and terror in order to reap huge financial winfalls. You can also check out reviews of the film at the website, including one from the Washington Post which claims that Farhenheit 9/11 “slices and dices President Bush’s presidency into a thousand satirical pieces.”