ONE HIT OR TWO?
A federal judge has ruled that a 75-year-old man who believes the CIA dropped LSD into his coffee in 1957 as part of a mind-control project has enough evidence to begin a $12 million lawsuit against the American government. Wayne Ritchie, a former U.S. Marshal and Marine Corps veteran, claims that he was used as an unsuspecting guinea pig as part of the CIA's MKULTRA project, in which hundreds of Americans were given LSD and other drugs without their knowledge throughout the 1950s. Part of the evidence Ritchie presented to the judge was an apparent admission from former narcotics agent Ira Feldman, who worked on MKULTRA and told Ritchie's lawyer in a sworn deposition that "I drugged guys involved in about 10, 12 (instances)...I didn't do any follow-up...You just back away and let them worry like this nitwit, Ritchie." In its defense, the CIA has denied drugging Ritchie and accuse him of creating the lawsuit simply to cash in on the CIA's murky past. You can learn much more about the sick and twisted experiments at www.paraview.com. (Sacramento Bee)

DEAD NAKED GUY FOR PRESIDENT!
It would be a nice change to have someone interesting to vote for this year. Like down in Portland, where a dead nudist with his own cable-access television show received over 500 votes for mayor. Jim Spagg received the votes despite having died one week before the election. He was best known for a low-brow TV show in which he regularly entertained his viewers by playing air guitar totally in the nude and delighting his viewing audience with naked women prancing in front of the camera. Even though Spagg was praised as a free-speech pioneer his show was recently cancelled after he took a dump on air. (www.koin.com)

THE NEXT PRESIDENT’S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
Why don't George Bush and John Kerry want to talk about their past involvement with the Skull and Bones secret society? Well, it might be due to sinister conspiracies laid out in a great article at parascope.com, which anyone voting in the coming American elections should read. Or it might simply be that both of those men, in order to be accepted into the Skull and Bones Secret Order, had to masturbate inside a coffin as an initiation right. Don't tell the Moral Majority! (parascope.com)

BIRDS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
Striking a blow for everyone who wishes those 80’s pop stars would just go away, a bird flying above an open-air Cyndi Lauper concert in Massachusetts dropped a load directly into the singers mouth, shutting her up for a few moments before she continued belting out her lame tunes. According to the New York Daily News, while Lauper was hitting a high note during her opening number, a glob of bird turd landed directly in her open mouth. "My grandmother says it’s good luck," said Lauper after the show, "but I think it’s disgusting." No shit.

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LOVE IS ONLY SKIN DEEP
A Chinese man has divorced his wife and is suing her for something like $100,000 after he discovered that she was once ugly. The story goes that the man had been horrified when his attractive wife gave birth to an ugly baby daughter. Outraged and demanding to know how this could happen, the wife admitted that she had once been ugly and paid over $150,000 for plastic surgery before she met her husband. After seeing the photo of his wife before the extreme makeover, he immediately filed for divorce and is taking her to court. (Daily Times)

GOES WELL WITH JESUS’ URINE
A group of Buddhist monks in Nara, Japan has blocked the trademarking of the name of a candy called "Snot From The Nose of the Great Buddha." Of course that hasn’t stopped vendors from selling the candy to tourists at a giant Buddha statue near their monastery. The gooey candy comes in a package featuring a picture of a stylized Buddha with a finger up his nose. (Fox News)

PRUDE ALERT! GRAPHIC SEXUAL IMAGERY AHEAD
Looking for a the perfect word to describe some sexual act or function and can't quite put your finger on it? Now you can surf on over to the Encyclopedia of Sex and get all the slang you'll ever need. This site was put together by some guy who says "as part of my honors project for my English major, my goal is to assemble every word every known that relates to sex or sexual activity." He's always looking for more so if you know of an obscure term send it to him at www.encyclopedia-of-sex.com. Recent entries include Cream Pie (when a man ejaculates onto another person's vagina or anus); Teabagging (the act of lowering one's scrotum into another's mouth); Shrimping (the act of sucking or licking a partners feet or toes for either partners sexual gratification); Fudge-Packer (a slang word for someone who penetrates another person's rectum); Carpet Munching (lesbian sex); and Snowballing (receiving semen orally and then sharing it with another person through kissing, spitting or licking). Aren't you glad you know?

UFOs IN ANCIENT ARTWORK
It’s been a while since I’ve directed you over to one of my favourite websites of all time, and now that the site has been redesigned it might be a good time to check it out again. "UFOs in Ancient Artwork" is a collections of classic old paintings which seem to include depictions of ancient astronauts and spaceships. Check it out at www.xfacts.com/old/

"I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE" FACT OF THE WEEK
The average person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day.