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Curious Times No. 234
March 4, 2004THE LONG-TERM WEATHER FORECAST IS BLEAK
The Bush administration faces a huge challenge to its insistence that climate change is a myth thanks to a seriously damning report written by the Pentagon which suggests that climate change will become the nation’s number one security threat over the next 20 years as countries develop nuclear weapons in order to protect dwindling food, water and energy supplies. London’s Guardian newspaper obtained a copy of the secret report which had been suppressed by U.S. defense chiefs who are protecting the Bush administration’s close ties to energy and oil companies. Although Bush has repeatedly ignored the pleas of high-level scientists who have urged the U.S. government to take the issue seriously, it’ll be hard to ignore a report coming directly from the Pentagon. The document predicts massive and abrupt climate change which could spark nuclear conflict, mega-droughts, famine and widespread rioting around the world. The authors suggest that climate change “should be elevated beyond a scientific debate to a US national security concern,” and conclude that the treat to global stability from climate change vastly eclipses that of terrorism. (Guardian Unlimited)AFTER THIS WORKOUT, REWARD YOURSELF WITH A FEW LINES OF COKE OFF THE BREASTS OF A GROUPIE
New innovations seeking to make working out a little less boring keep on coming. The newest craze is Air Guitar Aerobics, in which fitness junkies can emulate the moves of their favourite rock-gods in order to get a great cardiovascular workout. Check out musicchoice.co.uk for full instructions on pulling off these hard-rocking workout moves: The Angus Young Shuffle (good for your hamstrings, quads and calf muscles); the Townsend Windmill (works the biceps and triceps); The Hendrix Solo (strengthens lats and shoulders); The Van Halen Jump (for your quads); The Johnny Rotten Pogo (excellent cardiovascular workout); The Whitesnake Knee-Drop (increases flexibility, works the lower back); and The Darkness Kick Split (works the entire lower body and abdominal muscles.)NORWEGIAN WOODIES
A Norwegian sexologist (whatever that is) is compiling a coffee table book which will contain pictures of about 100 photographs of the penises of his countrymen. Although it sounds like just another scam to look at other men’s penises, the creator of this book claims the book will provide a sort of a public service, as men who fear their penises are too small or thin will discover that they are probably very average (I guess the average Norwegian penis is small and thin). “Heterosexual men have no one to compare their penises with,” explained the book’s creator, adding that he hopes that his readers will be able to find a penis similar to their own in the book. Why they would want to do that was not properly explained. (Ananova)FOLLOWED BY THE WORLD’S MOST DISTURBING HONEYMOON
While children in India are forced to marry dogs, a woman in France recently married her dead fiance. Rather than go through the appropriate mourning period and then carrying on with her life, Christelle Demichel, 25, received permission from French president Jacques Chirac to marry her now-dead fiance, a police officer who was killed by a drunk driver in 2002. She explained that although it might seem shocking to marry a dead man, her love for him remained as strong as when he was alive. Apparently, such a marriage is legal in France if the living spouse can prove that the couple had intended to marry, and if the president authorized it. Thankfully, the body of her husband was not present at the wedding. (ABC News)NOW THAT’S REALITY TELEVISION
No surprise, Americans are a bloodthirsty lot. A new poll carried out by Harris Interactive during January found that about two-thirds of Americans support the idea of televised executions. The poll also asked respondents if they would be willing to pay for pay-per-view executions. 21 per cent said they would pay to watch Osama bin Laden put to death, and 11 per cent would pay to watch Saddam Hussein‘s last few moments. Despite the overwhelming support for televised executions, 54 per cent of respondents said they wouldn’t actually watch them if they were on TV. Yeah, right... (MSNBC)ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE USELESSNESS OF SCHOOL-SMARTS
Why researchers feel the need to study the blindingly obvious has always been beyond my ability to comprehend. The latest from the “duh” division of useless research comes the finding that college professors who give out more “A’s” receive better evaluations from their students. Wow, stop the presses! Four professors at Minot State University poured over the data from 165 different college-level courses in order to come up with the stunning conclusions in their yawn-inducing report titled “Student Grades and Average Ratings of Instructional Quality: The Need for Adjustment.” One of the authors of the report explained that these findings are a cause for concern because student evaluations are used to help determine raises and promotions of professors, but it is precisely the least diligent professors who easily give out good grades, so the wrong people are being rewarded. And this is the first time they’ve thought of this flaw in the system? Eighteen years of education and they’re still not too bright, are they? (fark.com)THE EX TEAM
A group of Catholic Church leaders in Genoa, Italy have set up a medical taskforce of priests in order to deal with the huge demand for exorcists. The “anti-Satan pool,” as they’ve been called by Italian media, consists of a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a neurologist, and their job will be to separate true cases of demonic possession from mere psychological disorders. “They’ll meet on a regular basis to determine when there has been a case of demonic possession and call for an exorcist, or problems better cared for by a psychologist,” said a church official. (Reuters)
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