February 10, 2000

A FACE ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE The folks at SETLAB (Study of Extra-Terrestrial Life and Answers from Beyond) received this photo anonymously on Jan. 26. They say "the only information we have is that it was recently taken on a U.S. Navy vessel...if anyone out there recognizes anything in this photo...please contact us here." So if you've misplaced your ET, you know where to find it. And hurry, it doesn't look well.

IT'S NOT THE SIZE OF THE ARTICHOKE THAT MATTERS, IT'S HOW YOU USE IT

A survey done by AllHerb.com claims that 64 per cent of women who ate artichokes for dinner reported having an orgasm that night during sex, and six per cent of women who ate the entire artichoke reported having multiple orgasms. (Province)

GOD TOLD ME TO QUIT MY JOB

Pam Barrett, leader of Alberta's NDP, quit her job last week after an allergic reaction to a local anesthetic caused her to have a near death experience. She didn't elaborate on why she felt the need to resign from politics, but it's safe to assume that a job that rewards lies, hypocricy and corruption is probably at odds with her spiritual journey. (CBC)

IS IT HOT OUT HERE, OR IS IT JUST A SOLAR MASS EJECTION?

Doomsday prophets have picked a new day for us to worry about. A rare alignment of the planets on May 5, 2000 may cause everything from spectacular northern lights to massive earthquakes, tidal waves and volcanic eruptions. Futurist Richard Noone, author of 5/5/00,claims the conjunction of planetary forces could trigger huge solar storms, with effects ranging from loss of communications satellites and electrical power grids to the entire planet tipping on its axis as the poles become unbalanced. "We're talkng about a solar mass ejection in which a billion-tonne wave of super-hot, electrically charged gas is discharged from the sun and crosses space like a gigantic tidal wave," he says. Sounds like a good day to start your summer tan. (Knight Ridder)

AND AN AUTOGRAPH ON THE BABY'S FOREHEAD

Dr. Allan Zarkin, an obstetrician at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York city is being sued for $5.5 million after he allegedly used his scalpel to carve his initials into the abdomen of a women on whom he had just performed a particularly "beautiful" Caesarean section. The victim, Linda Gedz, says the three-inch-high letters make her feel like "a branded animal." (Reuters)

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER PAYS OFF

A man in California really took advantage of a promotion from Healthy Choice that offered 1000 frequent flyer miles for 10 proofs of purchase. He bought $3,140 worth of the company's 25-cent pudding cups, spent three weeks peeling UPC codes from the packages ("It got to the point I could do 400 labels and hour," he boasts), and received 1,250,000 miles, approximately $25,000 worth of flights. (Sacramento Bee)

COMING SOON TO CANADA, DRAFT-DODGING RATS

According to Questmagazine, the U.S. military is researching how to use tiny radio-operated electrodes implanted into the brains of small animals such as rats, then remotely controlling them to swarm through enemy territory in order to spread disease. Another plan involves attaching micro-cameras to their heads in order to survey enemy land with no risk to human life (American human life, that is).

DAMN COWS

John Hermon-Taylor of St. George's Medical School in London, the world's leading researcher into the chronic illness Crohn's disease, states that the disease is almost certainly caused by a bacteria found in milk called MAP (Mycobacterium avium subspecies paratuberculosis). Even pasteurization does not kill MAP, which infects the water supply of dairy herds when the cows' dung seeps into the soil and natural aquifers under ground. (London Times)

sellout.com

The town of Halfway, Oregon, has officially changed its name to half.com in exchange for over $100,000 in computer hardware and services from the web company www.half.com. (Reuters)

SMALLER, FASTER, SMARTER THAN YOU

Researchers from Hewlett-Packard and UCLA have developed a chemical process that could lead to computer components no thicker than a single molecule, and eventually to computers 100 billion times faster than today's fastest machines. Unfortunately, they'll still be obsolete in six months.

February 10, 2000

A FACE ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE

IT'S NOT THE SIZE OF THE ARTICHOKE THAT MATTERS, IT'S HOW YOU USE IT

A survey done by AllHerb.com claims that 64 per cent of women who ate artichokes for dinner reported having an orgasm that night during sex, and six per cent of women who ate the entire artichoke reported having multiple orgasms. (Province)

GOD TOLD ME TO QUIT MY JOB

IS IT HOT OUT HERE, OR IS IT JUST A SOLAR MASS EJECTION?

AND AN AUTOGRAPH ON THE BABY'S FOREHEAD

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER PAYS OFF

COMING SOON TO CANADA, DRAFT-DODGING RATS

DAMN COWS

sellout.com

The town of Halfway, Oregon, has officially changed its name to half.com in exchange for over $100,000 in computer hardware and services from the web company www.half.com. (Reuters)

SMALLER, FASTER, SMARTER THAN YOU

Researchers from Hewlett-Packard and UCLA have developed a chemical process that could lead to computer components no thicker than a single molecule, and eventually to computers 100 billion times faster than today's fastest machines. Unfortunately, they'll still be obsolete in six months.

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