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Curious Times No. 219
November 20, 2003THE NEWS "THEY" DON’T WANT YOU TO HEAR
Project Censored has rounded up another dose of heavy news with Censored 2004: The Top 25 Censored Media Stories of 2002-2003. If you want a quick overview of all the news that’s being hidden from you this is a great place to start, with links to stories on many of the most outrage-inducing issues of our time. Among the lowlights this year: No. 1: The Neoconservative Plan for Global Dominance; No. 7: Treaty Busting by the United States; No. 10: Africa Faces Threat of New Colonialism; No. 15: U.S. Military’s War on the Earth; No. 21: Third World Austerity Policies: Coming Soon to a City Near You, and No. 25: Convicted Corporations Receive Perks Instead of Punishment. (ProjectCensored.org)JOBS THAT McSUCK
The whiners at McDonald’s have lodged an official complaint to the editors of the Merriam-Webster dictionary after the latest edition included the definition for McJob as "a low-paying job that requires little skill and provides little opportunity for advancement." In his complaint, McDonald’s CEO Jim Cantalupo called the definition "an inaccurate description of restaurant employment" and "a slap in the face to the 12 million men and women" who work in the restaurant industry, claiming that "more than 1,000 of the men and women who own and operate McDonald’s restaurants today got their start by serving customers behind the counter." Unimpressed by this rather dubious statistic, the dictionary publisher assured Cantalupo that the definition was both accurate and appropriate, citing that "...for more than 17 years 'McJob' has been used as we are defining it in a broad range of publications." McJob has also been included in the Oxford English Dictionary, where it is defined as "an unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, esp. one created by the expansion of the service sector." (CNN)A SHITTY WAY TO DIE
Six Brazilian prisoners are confirmed dead and seven more are missing and presumed dead after 87 inmates tried to escape from the Sao Paulo State Penitentiary last Sunday through a series of tunnels connected to the sewer pipes beneath the prison. The lucky ones were recaptured by police after successfully finding their way to a house which had been hooked up to the sewer system by a tunnel. Unfortunately for some of the rest, they died after getting lost in the labyrinth of pipes and ended up suffocating in the sewage. (CNN)MICHAEL JACKSON’S NEXT FACE
Surgeons in France, England and the United States say that the technology has now been perfected to allow face transplants, a process by which the facial muscles and skin of a dead donor would be grafted onto a person who has been severely facially disfigured. Improvements in anti-rejection drugs over the past year now makes the procedure technically possible, but surgeons still have a long way to go in reconciling the moral, ethical and psychological issues which surround the issue. The Royal College of Surgeons in England is set to publish a report on face transplants which will examine its physical and psychological risks, and which, they hope, will spark a public debate of the subject, before any surgeons go ahead and try such a procedure. So far, ten people worldwide have requested the procedure. (BBC)MESSAGES FROM BEYOND
A company called LifeTouch has launched a service which will send your final e-mail messages to five of your closest friends and relatives after you die. MyLastEmail.com allows you to store up to five messages on the company’s servers for about $10 for three years. Then, after you kick the bucket, your loved ones can retrieve your messages and finally hear what you really thought of them. "We may not be given the chance to say goodbye, thank you or I love you..." warns the blurb on the website, "Mylastemail.com gives you the chance to prepare your farewells in advance. The letters you prepare here are personal, private ‘last’ email messages that will be sent to your family and friends one day - but only after you die."GROSS IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER
The publishers of the Guinness Book of World Records have released The Best Gross World Records, a book chock full of challenges for the readers of this column. Try getting your name in the record books by attempting some of these charming antics: Most Worms Eaten in 30 seconds; Most Feet and Armpits Sniffed; Loudest Burp; Most Worms Removed From a Human Stomach; Longest Ear Hair; Most Big Macs Consumed; and Farthest Marshmallow Nose Blow. The record book also lists a Brazilian woman as holding the record for most body piercings with 1,903, over 500 of which are in her genitalia. She plans on continuing to gather more piercings until she breaks the 2000 barrier. "I love pain," she explained. (The Mirror UK)STOPPING AT RED LIGHTS IS FOR SUCKERS
Transportation and safety engineers fear that he technology which allows emergency vehicles to change red traffic lights to green is beginning to make its way into the hands of individual motorists, as the price comes down to under $500 and kits are already appearing for sale on eBay. The technology, called MIRT (mobile infrared transmitter, is basically a remote control for traffic signals, and has been used for the past 30 years, but only recently has the device become cheap enough for the average motorist. A company called FAC sells the gadget for about $300, but insists that they have strict safeguards to make sure that MIRTs cannot be sold to unauthorized users. Nevertheless, a number of the devices are now on sale at eBay, and various other online sources offer instructions to easily build your own MIRT. I expect a late night informercial will soon sell these for $29.95.DRINKING DOUBLES IN A SINGLE BED
And now, from a show called Morning After: The 40 Greatest Drinking Songs of Country Music, a few of my favorite hard-drinking titles: All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight, Don’t Come Home a Drinkin’ With Lovin’ on Your Mind, Don’t the Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time, I’m Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home, It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere, Naked Women and Beer, Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo, and You Ain’t Much Fun. Just about says it all, doesn’t it? (CMT)"I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE" FACT OF THE WEEK
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
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