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Curious Times No. 218
November 13, 2003ONE LESS WORD YOU CAN’T USE ON TELEVISION
After fielding over 200 complaints from viewers who took offense during last year’s Golden Globe Awards, when a jubilant Bono declared, on live TV, that "this is fucking great!", the Federal Communications Commission has released its decision and concluded that using the word "fuck" on television is okay, as long as the word is used as an expression of exclamation, and not as a reference to "sexual or excretory activity or organs". This means that it’s okay to say fuck on television, as long as you’re not talking about fucking. So, get ready for a whole lot more of the F-word on all the crappy shows next season, as script writers talk advantage of this endless source cheap and easy laughs. (Fox News)FINALLY, PORN ON TELEVISION
A porn film production company in Los Angeles is jumping on to the Reality TV bandwagon with its upcoming show, "Can YOU Be a Pornstar?" The show will be strictly pay-per-view, which allows the producers to promise viewers "uninhibited nudity and sizzling sexuality." The show is going to pit 28 young women against each other, with the chance to win $100,000 and a one-year contract with a major adult video distributor. (AP)THIS HEADLINE IS LONG / MUCH TOO LONG TO BE USEFUL / JUST SKIP TO THE NEWS
According to internet folklore, Japanese computer technicians have replaced the highly technical and mostly useless Microsoft "error" messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haikus are an ancient form of Japanese poetry (with a strict style of 17 syllables in three lines) which seeks to offer powerful insights with extreme brevity. Here then, are some of the best Microsoft Error Haiku’s currently floating around the net: 1. Your file was so big / It might be very useful / But now it is gone; 2. Yesterday it worked / Today it is not working / Windows is like that; 3. First snow, then silence / This thousand-dollar screen dies / So beautifully; 4. Stay the patient course / Of little worth is your ire / The network is down; 5. Having been erased / The document you’re seeking / Must now be retyped. (www.snopes.com)COVER YOUR CHEATIN’ ASS
A new Russian company is doing brisk business creating elaborate excuses for men and women who are trying to cover up their indiscretions. The company, Alibi, will arrange a a wide variety of intricate plots to help their clients, from helping a wife or husband cover up an affair, to creating fake weddings for women who need to satisfy their family. Although the firm charges between $500 and $1000 for each alibi, director Dmitri Petrov claims that he and his partners are only in this for the fun and excitement of the game. Surprisingly, the majority of his clients are women who need to cover up an affair. "It’s not a one-night stand alibi they usually want," says Petrov, "but a full-blown week in Turkey. (BBC)YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT IT IN THE PRE-NUP
A lawyer in Israeli has failed in his attempt to legally force his wife to have sex with him at least twice a day. The unnamed man apparently filed a petition in court which demanded that his wife commit herself, in writing, to having sex with him at least once every morning and once each night. The judge who received the petition quickly threw it out of court. (AFP)YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO ANSWERS THESE QUESTION YES, YES, YES!
Speaking of legally-binding sexual contracts, of course there is a site on the web where you and your favorite sexual partner can fill out a form in which allows each of you to clearly express which sexual acts you agree to, and which are unacceptable. At www.sex-contract.com , they ask "You wouldn’t get married without a prenuptial agreement or jump out of a plane without a parachute. So why have sex without a contract?" Then, after answering a few questions, they will print out a custom contract designed for your and your partner. Unfortunately, this "contract" only covers the basics, from kissing and touching to vaginal and anal penetration, and doesn’t cover exactly the type of perverted sexual acts which you might want to be protected from. There’s no bondage, no multiple partners, no bizarre sexual locations, nothing at all for the readers of this column. But don’t worry, I’ll let you know when someone creates the "Deviant’s Sex Contract" website.STOPPING AT RED LIGHTS IS FOR SUCKERS
Transportation and safety engineers fear that he technology which allows emergency vehicles to change red traffic lights to green is beginning to make its way into the hands of individual motorists, as the price comes down to under $500 and kits are already appearing for sale on eBay. The technology, called MIRT (mobile infrared transmitter, is basically a remote control for traffic signals, and has been used for the past 30 years, but only recently has the device become cheap enough for the average motorist. A company called FAC sells the gadget for about $300, but insists that they have strict safeguards to make sure that MIRTs cannot be sold to unauthorized users. Nevertheless, a number of the devices are now on sale at eBay, and various other online sources offer instructions to easily build your own MIRT. I expect a late night informercial will soon sell these for $29.95. (CBS News)
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