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Curious Times No. 213
October 9, 2003HOW TO SERVE ALIENS
And now, as payback for all the humans who have had to suffer through anal probes, comes an incredibly useful website called "How to Cook an Alien." Along with the many reasons for eating our intergalactic visitors (reason number two: "they ate Elvis"), comes excellent advice as to the the different flavors of aliens ("Reptoid meat is the lowest in fat and cholesterol content, and is good for those with a heart condition"), tips on how to catch an alien (lay a trail of M&M’s or some such candy towards the trap, and the creature will blindly follow the trail"), and of course, plenty of great alien recipes, such as "Mixed Alien Gumbo," "Roast Filet of Grey," "Minced Reptoid," and "Three Alien Pizza." Bon appetit!GLOBAL WARMING, FACT AND FICTION
Despite worldwide temperature heat records being set every year and insane droughts all over our planet, a team of scientists from the University of Uppsala in Sweden have announced that global oil and gas reserves will run out long before global warming can cause any serious problems. The team from Sweden believes that oil and gas production will peak shortly after 2010, and estimate that there are "only" about 3500 billion barrels of oil left, far less than the 5000 to 18,000 barrels used in climate projection models which predict devastating greenhouse warning. Meanwhile, a completely different news report out of Russia claims that about 160,000 people, mostly children, are already dying each year from side-effects due to global warming. The study from the World Health Organization reports that children in developing nations are dying in increasing numbers due to the spread of malnutrition, diarrhea and malaria caused by warmer temperatures, floods and droughts. (New Scientist) / (Planet Ark)HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE TO EAT BEFORE THEY START SINGING?
An orchestral composer out of the Czech Republic has claimed that he steals most of his music from singing mushrooms in the forest near his home. Composer Vaclav Halek, who has written 2,000 songs, numerous film and theatre scores, and one symphony, says the secret to his prolific musical output lies in the frequent walks he takes in the woods, where he carries a pencil and paper and lies down near a pile of fungi and listens intently. "I simply record music that a mushroom sings to me," says Halek, who claims that music also comes from rocks and trees, but that mushrooms sing the best melodies. (smh.com.au)SEXUAL STATE OF THE WORLD
The annual sexual survey by condom manufacturer Durex has revealed some more fascinating statistics. After compiling answers from 150,000 participants in 34 nations, the survey revealed these titillating tidbits: Hungarians have the most active sex life, with 152 sex sessions per years; Icelanders and Vietnamese are the most likely to get involved in a one-night stand; America and Australia have the most gay and lesbian relationships; Thais are the happiest with their sex lives, with 92 per cent of Thais expressing satisfaction; Brazilians are considered the most sexy people on Earth, and Russians the least sexy. As for sexual position, 29 per cent preferred "partner on top," making it number one, while "standing" was dead last with only two per cent of the votes. (Durex.com)GUINNESS BOOK OF LAME RECORDS
I’ve noticed that the folks from the Guinness Book of World Records are getting less and less choosy as to what kind of lame scheme they let into their books. Last week, Jim Hager, 47, broke the world record for eating M&M’s with a pair of chopsticks, pounding down 115 of the little sugar bombs in three minutes. As well as having the glory of holding a new world record, Hager also received 25 pounds of M&M’s from the sponsor of the record-breaking event. (AP)SURF DANGEROUSLY
The creators of attrition.org ("We don't suffer from insanity. We enjoy every minute of it.") have set up a list of several hundred keywords to slap onto your web pages in order to get the attention of the CIA and NSA. Their hope, ultimately, is that if everyone has "dangerous" words and phrases on their websites, then the "intelligence" agencies will be so bogged down with useless information that they’ll have to stop spying on us. There are far too many keywords to list here, but here’s a few of my favorites to get you started: Offensive Information Warfare, Computer Terrorism, Espionage, Flashbangs, Psyops, Porno, Cypherpunks, World Domination, crypto-anarchy, plutonium, froglegs, and, of course, Bubba the Love Sponge. (attrition.org)ONE TERM IS ONE TOO MANY
Next time you want to go out there and pull some victimless crime, you can download a cool stencil for your own night of guerrilla graffiti at onetermpresident.org. Obviously, the reference is to our pal Dubya, who we hope will soon go down in history as the first one term president since his dear old dad. The website also has links to other great sources of information, including thousandreasons.org (1000 reason to dump Bush), stopbush.com and fearbush.com.
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