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Curious Times No. 211
September 25, 2003THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS IS UP YOUR ASS
At last, we have a new champion in the unofficial Curious Times Weirdest Frickin’ Book on Earth competition! Leave it to the Japanese, of course, to win this category, with Hiroyuki Nishigaki’s How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday? Malarkey? Or Effective Way? I shit you not. This is the actual title of an actual book which you can actually order at Amazon.com . There are even a few customer reviews, including this nugget: "This book is better than lithium. I was depressed for years until I came across Mr. Nishigaki and his incredible anus book. I was skeptical at first, but after only a week of the recommended anus exercises, I could feel my spirits lifting...whenever I get down or feel as though I might need to abuse myself, I simply stop, concentrate on crushing the imaginary walnut in my anus and-BLAMMO!-all depressing and/or criminal thoughts are gone in a single squeaky fart."SICK OF SMOKING BUNK WEED
Three of the first 10 patients who are legally buying marijuana from Health Canada for medical purposes are complaining that the pot grown by the government is bunk. "It’s totally unsuitable for human consumption," said 58-year-old AIDS patient Jim Wakeford. Another AIDS patient, who smokes dope to help ease the nausea associated with his illness, said the Health Canada weed actually made him sick to his stomach. "I threw up," said Barrie Dalley, 52. "It made me nauseous because I had to use so much of it. It was so weak in potency that I really threw up." A patients’ rights group called Safe Access was also unimpressed with the product, claiming that their laboratory tests showed that the marijuana had only three per cent THC, far less than the 10.2 per cent it was supposed to contain in order to be effective. Safe Access also claimed that the government weed contained contaminants such as lead and arsenic. Health Canada is accepting no returns and providing no refunds, claiming that their cannabis met "exacting standards" and was thoroughly tested for its quality. (Canadian Press)THE EASY WAY TO SOBER UP A DRUNK
A German butcher is getting ready to unveil his new invention, a sausage stuffed with caffeine. Johann Drexel is introducing his "Breaker Sausage" at next month’s 170th Oktoberfest in Munich, and is hoping to keep the beer drinkers wide awake with his new snack. "The Breaker sausage picks you up like an espresso," promises Drexel, whose sausage includes vitamins B1 and B6, plus an excessive dose of caffeine and taurine, which helps the body absorb the caffeine. (Ananova)MONEY FOR NOTHING
While most off us have to be shaken down by store security if we try to spend a $100 bill, a man in North Carolina managed to buy $150 worth of groceries with a $200 bill, despite the fact that there is no such thing as a $200 bill. Nevertheless, someone walked away with $150 in groceries and $50 change after spending a home-made $200 bill which bore the image of George W. Bush on the front and the White House on the back. After staff at the grocery store clued in to the fact they had been scammed, they also noticed that the picture on the bill included signs on the front lawn of the White House which read "We like broccoli" and "USA deserves a tax cut." (NBC)MROE BLSIHULT FORM THE ITERENT
By now, y’voue all seen tihs in yuor eimal, but for tshoe of you sltil lnivig in the drak aegs wthiuot a cmotepur, cchek it out: Acocdrnig to an elgnsih unviesitry sutdy the oredr of letetrs in a wrod dosen’t mttaer, the olny thnig thta’s iopmrantt is that the frsit and lsat Ltteer of eevry word is in the crcreot ptoision. The rset can be jmbueld and one is stlil able to raed the txet wiohtut dclftfuiiy.STERILIZE THAT PHONE, DOC
A study carried out at the Soroka University Medical Center in Illinois has discovered that dangerous infectious germs are being spread throughout hospitals by the cell phones of health care workers. The study found that 12 per cent of hospital staff cellphones were contaminated with Acinetobacter baumannii, a very dangerous germ which develops resistance to most antibiotics and causes a 50 to 60 per cent mortality rate among infected patients. The germs are spread from health care workers’ hands to the cell phones, which provide a large, dry surface for the germ to survive. "We are now exploring the possibility of using pagers again or some type of device that can be worn on the wrist that doesn’t require hand contact," said an investigator at the hospital. (Reuters Health)VENICE OF THE EAST
Shanghai, China is desperately trying to figure out how to slash new construction of high-rise buildings after discovering that the city is beginning to sink under the weight of all that concrete. Over the last 10 years, Shanghai has seen a massive building boom which has added over 3,000 high-rise buildings to its skyline, with about 2,000 more in the planning stages. Now that rate of construction needs to be severely limited, as it has been discovered that the city is slowing sinking below the level of the Huang Pu river, with some parts of the city sinking as fast as one-and-a-half centimetres (over half an inch) per year. (BBC)
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