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Curious Times No. 208
September 4, 2003HOW TO BEAT YOUR CHILD
A massage therapist in Florida has invented a new device for beating your children. If you’re worried that your belt might get ruined if you have to use it on your little brat one more time, of if you’re running out of wire hangers, it’s time to blow about thirty bucks on the B-Stik, a foot-long billy club-like device which will hurt your child without leaving any welts, bruises or other visible signs of trauma to the skin. Inventor Steven Robyor claims he developed the B-Stik for the benefit of children after reading a story about a 2-year-old who died after being punched in the stomach as punishment for soiling his pants. "It’s a safer alternative for people who physically discipline their children," says Robyor, who recommends "five moderate impacts" as a "harmless way of getting a child’s attention." And if you don’t have any kids but your dog is pissing you off, the B-Stik can also be used on pets. "But you have to use it properly," warns Robyor. (www.b-stik.com)HOW CAN I COLLECT THOSE CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS?
An "alien expert" in Los Angeles claims that the close passing of Mars means we’ll see a record baby boom of half-Martian, half-human hybrid babies in about nine months. Andy Reiss claims that Martians impregnate Earth women telepathically, and every time Mars passes close to the Earth the number of hybrid babies spikes. This time, with Mars being closer to Earth than at any time in the past 60,000 years, he expects a baby boom of about five to seven percent alien hybrids. Reiss also advises that women pay close attention to their dreams. If you’ve recently had a vivid dream of having sex with an alien, and now you find yourself pregnant, chances are great that you’re nurturing Martian seed. Congratulations, I think... (Wireless Flash)NEXT TIME, THE FAT MAN GOES LAST
An overweight prisoner in Argentina ruined the brilliant escape plans of himself and 24 of his prison pals after getting stuck in a 12 inch hole which inmates had dug through the ceiling of their jail. Five prisoners , who are still on the run from authorities, successfully escaped through the hole. But 16 stone Roque Vivas held up the remaining 24 prisoners when he got stuck at his waist and couldn’t free himself. Eventually, the inmates were forced to call prison guards for help getting him unstuck. "It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. This fat man was stuck from the waist down and shaking his legs," said one of the guard. "Then all the other prisoners looking really pissed because he stopped them from escaping." (Ananova)THE SECRET LIFE OF PLANT WARFARE
Bizarre research out of Australia has found that bacteria have a sophisticated communications system which allows them to effectively hunt in packs. Scientists found that bacteria are in constant communication with each other, and use this system to figure out when enough bacteria have gathered in order to launch an attack. Even more surreal, the research team from the Australian National University found that plants have a form of bacteria radar which can analyze the numbers of harmful or beneficial bacteria in their surroundings and plan a defense. Plants seem to be able to "eavesdrop" on the communications of bacteria, and are also able to mimic the bacteria’s communication signals in order to trick small groups of bacteria into thinking they had larger numbers of attacking forces, thereby getting them to attack prematurely and be defeated by the plant’s defenses. "We didn’t expect such an extensive response," said Dr. Ulrike Mathesius. "If you see a plant, it doesn’t seem to do very much. But there is so much going on under the soil. It’s like finding that instead of being blind it can see and hear and talk." (smh.com.au)WHAT DO YOU MEAN A PILL CAN’T SOLVE MY PROBLEMS?
A new book titled The Viagra Myth claims that five years since the anti-impotency drug was released, Viagra has begun its decline in popularity as many men find the drug causes more problems than it solves. According to author Dr. Abraham Morgentaler of the Harvard Medical School, the expectations surrounding Viagra as a quick-fix for sexual dysfunction has left a trail of broken relationships and unresolved sexual issues among most of the men who have looked to the drug for solutions. "The Viagra Myth has less to do with the effectiveness of the medication than with our cultural propensity to look for the easy fix. Many of my male patients, together with their partners, have come to realize that finally achieving a great erection does not solve their relationship problems. In fact, it has frequently made them worse," says the doctor. Viagra is forcing men to confront hidden emotional problems in relationships, he claims, and this is causing men simply to ditch their relationships in order to avoid their problems. Other men, he says, after being able to have sex for the first time in many years, realize that they are no longer attracted to their partners. (Independent UK)
THE DECLINE AND FALL OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION
Ikea catalogues are now the most printed "literature" on the planet. 130 million catalogues will be printed this year, in 28 different languages for 36 countries worldwide, leaving the Bible, all the works of William Shakespeare, and even Harry Potter far behind in the dust (http://pub.tv2.no/nettavisen/english/article129082.ece)YOU CAN HIDE, BUT MY FRIENDS WILL FIND YOU
An internet experiment which was set up to prove (or disprove) the "six degrees of separation" theory (which suggests there are only a handful of people between you and anyone else in the world) has found that the theory holds true, discovering that it took an average of between five and seven steps for participants to find one of 18 strangers by contacting their acquaintances by e-mail. Professor Duncan Watts, from Columbia University, asked volunteers to help find an archival inspector in Estonia, a technology consultant in India, a policeman in Australia, a veterinarian in the Norwegian army, and 14 other people. The volunteers were asked only to send a message to someone who they thought might be closer to each target. Two men, one in Croatia and the other in Indonesia, proved the most difficult to find, but all of the 18 strangers were found within seven steps. (Small World
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