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Curious Times No. 207
August 28, 2003ADDING INSULT TO INJURY
A British doctor who has spent four years researching the charming ways in which doctors insult their patients has compiled a list of over 200 of the most popular medical acronyms worldwide. Dr. Adam Fox warns that this secret language of doctors is dying out in our politically correct times, with doctors far less likely to risk a lawsuit by thoughtlessly insulting their patients. So, simply for the historical record, here are some of the highlights: CTD-Circling the Drain (patient expected to die soon); FLK-funny looking kid; GPO-good for parts only; UBI-Unexplained Beer Injury; TTFO-told to fuck off. Doctors also have cute phrases with which to describe patients, such as "handbag positive" (a confused elderly lady lying on a hospital bed clutching her handbag), and "pumpkin positive" (a patient so dim that shining a penlight in his mouth would encounter a brain so small that his entire head would light up). Another favorite is the DBI, or Dirt Bag Index, in which doctors multiply the number of tattoos by the number of missing teeth in a patient in order to estimate the number of days its been since he had a bath. (BBC)THE ONE MILLION YEN MAN
Approximately 30 Japanese companies are getting involved in a joint venture which will bring a "robot suit" to the commercial market next April. The suit was developed at Tsukuba University and is designed to help elderly and physically disabled people to walk, get up stairs, and sit down comfortably without a chair. The suit, code-named HAL-3 (Hybrid Assistive Leg), includes a computer and battery in the backpack and motor-powered devices which help guide the movement of the legs using electric signals from the muscles, enabling a person to walk about four kilometers per hour with virtually no physical exertion. Researchers are also working on a version for the arms, and ultimately hope to make a suit thin enough to be worn under clothes and which will allow users to run and move their arms freely. The first few hundred prototypes will sell for about one million yen (US$8,440). (AFP)GOD IS EVERYWHERE, EVEN IN THE TOILET
A 28-year-old suicidal woman in Detroit was saved last week by a miracle vision of Saint Padre Pio which appeared in a toilet bowl and convinced her to stay alive. Ethel Farbinger had locked herself in a bathroom at her school, and was ready to stab herself in the heart in order to end the suffering she had felt since her mother and husband died within weeks of each other. But before she could kill herself, a brilliant white light filled the bathroom and the image of St. Padre Pio appeared in the toilet. "He smiled up at me and gently explained how taking my life would cause more problems that it would solve, " says Farbinger. "He then told me that embracing God's love would help get me through this terrible period." After the miracle, she sobbed on the bathroom floor for an hour, then got up and went home to build a shrine to her life-saving saint. "Some people think I'm crazy, but I don't care. A miracle happened in my life and I want the whole world to know about it." (Yahoo News)EIGHT EIGHTS IS ENOUGH
Sichuan Airlines in southwest China has paid US$282,000 for the phone number 8888-8888 in order to have the luckiest phone number in all of China. Most Chinese believe the number eight is lucky because the word "eight" in Chinese rhymes with the word for getting rich. A spokesperson for the airline says that buying the lucky phone number has already resulted in great advertising for the company, and claims that "everyone at the company believes the number was worth the price we paid...it's a number that will make customers happy when they call." (ABC)GET YOURSELF FIXED
A professor of bio-medical engineering at the Indian Institute of Technology in Delhi may have invented the next biggest thing in birth control. The Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance (RISUG) is, he claims, the perfect contraceptive for men, a simple injection into a region of a man's anatomy where he wouldn't usually let himself be injected can render him harmless for about 10 years. In very simplified terms, the RISUG works by rupturing sperm cells before they can make their journey towards the egg. So far, RISUG has been tested without any problems on 250 volunteers, and if clinical testing continues to be positive, will be on the Indian market next year. (Grist Magazine)
ONE FREE IN EVERY BAG OF DORRITOS
A pharmacy researcher at the University of Kentucky is developing a "marijuana patch" in order to help ease nausea and stimulate appetite in people suffering from AIDS and cancer, but who are unable to enjoy the benefits of pot thanks to useless laws which would make them criminals if they smoked a joint. The patch has received over $360,000 in funding from the American Cancer Society, and would use synthetic cannabinoids (marijuana compounds created in a lab) as its active ingredients. As well as being highly effective pain relievers, cannabinoids are also being used to treat depression, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease, without any of the side effects of morphine-based drugs, such as dependency, nausea and vomiting. Of course, a marijuana patch wouldn't be necessary if we just let people smoke dope, but then the pharmaceutical companies couldn't shaft sick people with overpriced medications, so that probably isn't going to happen any time soon. (AP)QUIT CRYING AND ACT LIKE A (RACIST, PSYCHO WHITE POWER) MAN
A group of 22 white supremists awaiting trial in a South African jail have complained to the judge that they are being subjected to psychological torture by being forced to listen to "black music" which the prison's sound system blasts at loud volumes through the jail halls all day long. The men are facing charges of high treason, murder, attempted murder, terrorism and illegal possession of weapons in connection with a South African white power group called the Boeremag or Afrikaner Force. Their lawyers say that listening to rhythm and blues, rap, hip-hop and African house and traditional rhythms is driving the men insane. ""We have men sitting here in tears and who are busy cracking," said one of the defense attorneys. Another added, "Some of my clients have suffered breakdowns, which affect their ability to stand trial." (BBC)
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