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Curious Times No. 190
May 1, 2003FOR A FUTURE POPULATED WITH INSANE, GULLIBLE CLONES
An investigation into Clonaid by the Boston Globe has concluded that the company is an "unorganized, amateurish" operation which uses outlandish claims to create publicity for their company in order to receive donations for their (probably bogus) research. Cloneaid, the company which claimed to clone a baby last year, is an off-shoot the Raelian cult, whose members believe that humans were created by extraterrestrials. The Globe report found that Cloneaid has no address, no board of directors and only two employees. Their next project the creation of the "Babytron," an artificial womb which will be used to grow more cloned babies. The ultimate goal of the Raelians is to create clones that mature rapidly in the artificial wombs, and then "download" the memories of aging humans into the new bodies in order to have a form of perpetual life.THIS IS YOUR FATHER'S BRAIN ON DRUGS
A judge in Michigan has ruled that a four-year-old boy is too young to ingest sacramental peyote as part of a Native American ceremony. The boy's father is a member of the Grand Traverse Band of Ottawa and Chippewa Indians, and had asked the court to overrule an earlier family court decision, claiming that the prohibition violated his son's religious freedom. The previous court order was brought about by the boy's mother, who thought that the boy should be of an appropriate age of consent in order to choose for himself whether to take the hallucinogenic drug. The court agreed, stating the the boy must wait until he is at least 16 years old to ingest the peyote. His father says he will appeal the decision once again, claiming that "religious freedom has been reduced to the whims of a Family Court judge." (azcentral.com)NO REALLY, CELL PHONES AND DRIVING DON'T MIX
By now we all know it's a pretty good idea to pull over to the side of the road when you have to make a call on your cell phone. Of course, you want to pay attention to where, exactly, you are pulling over. In a bizarre accident, a 19-year-old brainiac in Hamlin, West Virginia, pulled off to the side of the road, not realizing that she was parked directly over a train track. As she chatted on her phone, oblivious to her surroundings, an oncoming train smashed her car, sent it flying onto a second train track, whereupon her car was struck by a second train coming in the opposite direction. Miraculously, the woman survived with minor injuries. (Lincoln Journal)GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, IGNORANT MORONS WITH GUNS KILL PEOPLE
The New Delhi Pioneer reports that a guest of the bride at a wedding ceremony (who had probably had a few too many glasses of champagne), took it upon himself to grab his gun and fire a celebratory shot into the air. Unfortunately, he didn't quite aim high enough in the sky, and fired a bullet directly into the groom's skull, who is now lying comatose in a hospital bed in critical condition.FOR AN EXTRA 50 BUCKS, WE'LL GET A DRUNK COLLEGE GUY TO FORCE HIMSELF ON YOU
You all know how much I admire scam artists who are able to suck cash from gullible knobs over the internet. Well, I've found one that may just top them all. At a website called VirginMe.com, you can blow your cash on a "scientific breakthrough that will transform a non-virgin girl into a complete virgin!" This guy tells a hilarious story of how he bought the secret formula from native elders while hiking through Peru. Of course, they didn't want to give up their tribal "secret" until he offered them US$55,000. Now you can have this secret for the low, low priced of $299. For this price, he makes four promises: your vagina will become tighter than a virgin's; you will feel pain during sex; blood will come out and will stick to his penis on the first night after using the formula; and the blood will be exactly the same as that of a virgin, even containing real pieces of hymen tissue. Charming!AND I WANT TO SLEEP ALL DAY AND ROAM THE CITY STREETS BY NIGHT
Remember 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who sued McDonald's for serving coffee that was too hot after she spilled some on her leg and burned herself? Thanks to her, we now have the Stella Awards, handed out periodically to some of America's most frivolous lawsuits. Currently on the website, at StellaAwards.com, is this gem: Utah prison inmate Robert Paul Rice tried to sue the Utah Department of Corrections for not letting him practice his religion. Rice claims to be a "Druidic Vampire," and sued for the right to have sexual access to a vampress, and for his "vampiric dietary needs" (that would be human blood) to be supplied at prison meal times. His lawsuit was thrown out of court.DOG DAY AFTERNOON
An incredibly unlucky puppy managed to survive the worst day of her life last week after she escaped from her owner's backyard in northern California. "Dosha" began her ordeal by being hit by a car and suffering extensive injuries. In order to end her suffering, a policeman shot her in the head and took her to a local animal shelter where she was stuffed in a freezer. A few hours later, shocked staff at the shelter found Dosha awake and struggling to get out of her chilly coffin. Now that she is being properly cared for, the vets say that Dosha will fully recover with only a damaged ear caused by the gunshot. (AP)SEX SELLS
No, you're definitely not imagining things. An internet and spam research company in Britain has found that pornographic spam has increased by 380 per cent in the past year. The company found that over 45 per cent of the 55 billion e-mail messages sent each month are spam, and almost half of those are of a pornographic nature. (netimperative.info)
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