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Curious Times No. 188
April 17, 2003EXPOSING BIGFOOT'S LURID PAST
Cryptozoologist Loren Coleman, who recently made news with the publication of his new book Bigfoot! The True Story of Apes in America (in which he claims that many "witnesses" have had sexual encounters with Sasquatch), is now planning an expedition to Iraq, in hopes of finding proof of the ancient existence of a gay Sasquatch-like creature which used to roam Mesopotamia having his way with the local human population. Colemen contends that ancient myths have their basis in factual events, and points to the Epic of King Gilgamesh, a 5000-year-old manuscript which describes the creature "Enkidu" - a large, hairy beast which engaged in cross-species gay sex and threesomes. Now that Saddam Hussein's regime is gone, Colemen hopes archaeologists can go into what's left of the ancient sites, and do some "serious research" into ancient Bigfoot relics. (Wireless Flash)THE DREADED TRIPLE THREAT
North Korea's disturbed leader, Kim Jong-Il, reportedly forces all new-born triplets to be removed from their parents and raised in bleak state-run orphanages. Apparently, the number three is considered extremely auspicious in North Korea, and triplets are usually revered as it is believed that they will rise to positions of power. This belief has Kim Jong-Il gripped with the fear that his regime will someday be toppled by a triplet, and so all baby triplets are raised in "triplet rooms," in which the children are isolated from their families and raised to worship their leader. Not surprisingly, a visiting Western diplomat reported "severe emotional trauma" in the children raised in this manner."It may be officially atheistic and Stalinist," said the official, "but North Korea essentially operates a state religion infused with superstition, astrology and a personality cult that glorifies Kim as a unique individual." (Herald Sun)THOU SHALT NOT MAKE OFFERS TO CHILDREN WHICH THOU CAN'T HONOR
The Ten Commandments Project - a project which promised children 10 bucks if they memorized the ten commandments - has run out of money. Pastor George Kelley says that 15,000 children have already taken the ministry up on its offer, and those who filed their claim after April 7 will have to wait "until the Lord provides additional money." (AP)GETTING THE FULL PROGRAM ON THE HOUSE - PRICELESS
A German man has won a court battle with a brothel which charged him over 9,000 euros for sex he can't remember having. The court ruled that the brothel failed to give the man an itemized receipt of the "services" he received, and therefore cannot prove that the man actually got what he paid for. The brothel claims the man ordered the "full program", but the man convinced the court that he was too drunk to remember any of it. Court spokesperson Vera Huth explained that the brothel should have provided the man with an itemized receipt. "They should have, for example, listed two sexual intercourse sessions at 600 euros, oral sex at 300 euros or anal sex at 400 euros a go." (Reuters)I LEARNED THIS DISAPPEARING TRICK FROM OSAMA
Apparently it's going to be a bit of a challenge to convince the majority of Iraqi people that Saddam Hussein is dead if America can't provide a body as evidence. The Mercury News reports that mystical legends abound about Hussein among the poor and illiterate in Iraq, where the belief that their leader cannot be killed is common. Among the legends is the story of a magical stone which Saddam had implanted into his arm, which allows him to elude assassination attempts and missile strikes. The stone was first tested in a chicken which survived a point-blank gun shot. The legends also highlight that Saddam's mother was some kind of magician,and most Iraqis believe that spirits from the underworld talk to Saddam through a fortune teller, and help him escape from doom. (Mercury News)www.chinesestiffs.com
Every year, millions of Chinese pay their respects to their ancestors by visiting the cemeteries of their dead relatives in a traditional "grave-sweeping" festival each April. Unfortunately, the annual pilgrimage causes so many problems that the Chinese government has asked people to visit their relatives on-line this year, thanks to several new graveyard websites where people can virtually visit their loved ones. According to the South China Morning Post, the April festival causes serious congestion at cemeteries, creates serious traffic jams, and is responsible for many forest fires each year as relatives burn paper money for the spirits of their relatives. (Ananova)TAKE THE PSYCHIC CHALLENGE
Natalia Lulova, an 11-year-old Russian girl, is once again ready to take on a challenge proposed by "The Amazing Randi," a magician and skeptic who has a standing offer of $1 million to anyone who can prove they possess psychic powers. Lulova first took Randi up on his challenge last year with her claim that her vision comes through her forehead, and tried to prove it by reading a book through a blindfold. But the Amazing Randi always manages to weasel out of the bet, this time claiming that she could see through the blindfold gaps between her cheek and nose. When he pressured her to put duct tape over the holes, Lulova claims she became so intimidated that she lost her psychic powers for a full ten months. But now she's back, ready to take Randi's million. The skeptic is not concerned, however. "She's doing a blindfold act that a lot of kids can do," he claims, "particularly in the former Soviet Union, [it's] a popular trick, but I've seen it all over Europe and in Korea." (forward.com)OPERATION PERPETUAL WARFARE
And now, from the "American Military Operation Name Generating Device", comes the Curious Times top five randomly generated operation names for America's next military conflict: 5. Operation Hot Under The Collar Foreign Policy; 4. Operation Combustible Scapegoat; 3. Operation Eternal Gecko ; 2. Operation Provoked Frenzy; 1. Operation Outraged Rain of Burning Death. Don't like 'em? Get your own at www.ftrain.com.
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