December 19, 2002
BIG BROTHER IS READING YOUR T-SHIRT
Uggh... the police state
that is America these days just keeps getting more intrusive.
The latest stupidity saw agents from the Secret Service
question a high school student for wearing a t-shirt. The
shirt, with a picture of Bush and the phrase "not my
president" (see inset) caused two weasels in the school to
report the kid to the principal, who called the FBI and had
agents come down to talk to the boy. Is this wrong on every
level, or what? Being given the once-over by the frickin' FBI
for wearing a t-shirt in what is supposedly a free country
with the guaranteed right of free speech? Makes me want to
hurl. By the way, you can get the shirt at fatwreck.com.
((activedayton.com))
THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT
This Saturday, Dec. 21,
marks exactly 10 years until the end of the world. Well,
maybe...according to the Mayan Calendar at least, something
very dramatic should occur on Dec. 21, 2012. Opinion on what
that something is varies widely. All that we know for certain
is that the Mayans were incredibly brilliant astronomers, and
developed a calendar which was far more accurate than the one
we use today. The most peculiar thing about the Mayan
calendar is that it does not continue in endless cycles, but
has a definite beginning and ending. The Mayan calendar began
on Aug. 13, 3114 BC, (as we would count it) and ends on Dec.
21, 2012. At that point, many believe that the world will
come to some kind of apocalyptic ending. Others believe the
date simply marks a transitional period, and that on that
date humanity will take one giant leap in its global
evolution. The most interesting interpretation is based on
26,000 year galactic cycles which the Mayans traced.
According to this theory, the orbit of stars in our galaxy
will move the Earth from the third to the fourth dimension,
and God knows what that'll bring. Check it out on the web by
doing a search on "Mayan Calendar" and "December 21, 2012"
for plenty of mind-warping info.
BESIDES, HOW COULD HE STUFF HIS FAT ASS DOWN A CHIMNEY?
A
vicar in the UK ruined Christmas for hundreds of kids after
explaining to them the cold logic which proves that Santa
Claus doesn't exist. First, he told the kids that the
workload of visiting every home on Earth in one night would
easily kill St. Nick, who would be required to deliver about
378 million presents to 91.8 million homes. Besides, he
explained, to pull off that feat his reindeer would have to
fly about 3,000 times the speed of sound, which would
vaporize them into millions of little reindeer pieces. After
a predictable outrage from parents, the vicar apologized,
saying that he meant the story to be funny. "I made a
serious misjudgment," he admitted.
(Daily Mirror)
THE MIRACLE OF CHILDBIRTH
A woman in Norway seems to have
experienced a miracle during her pregnancy, gradually
regaining most of her eyesight despite retinal damage which
had left her with under 15 per cent vision. Born with
toxoplasmosis, 29-year-old Mona Ramdal was born with severely
limited vision in her right eye. At age 13 her left eye also
began to fail. But, after becoming pregnant, her vision has
returned to the point where she recently earned her driver's
license. Her optometrist, Dr. Per Hvamstad, says he has never
heard of such a thing happening. It is a miracle," he claims,
"the retina is by definition a part of the brain. That which
is destroyed is destroyed forever. That is why someone who
has been terribly visually impaired suddenly seeing normally
cannot be explained." (Aftenposten Norway)
HAVE A MERRY VIOLENT CHRISTMAS
The Lion & Lamb Project, a
group opposed to the marketing of violent toys for children,
has again released its yearly Dirty Dozen, their list of
overly violent toys which children should be kept away from.
Their list includes the Forward Command Post, which is a
bombed out doll house complete with demolished walls and
bullet holes in the walls. It also comes with accessories
such as a machine gun and rocket launcher. Another "bad"
game is Burnout 2, a car racing game with excessively violent
crashes and a great ad line which reads "the last thing to go
through your mind will be your ass." Under their "Pushing the
Envelope" category, they've included Grand Theft Auto: Vice
City, a video game which allows you to hijack police cars,
gun down pedestrians, kill policemen and pick up prostitutes
(later killing them to get your money back), and a game
called State of Emergency, in which rioting, looting,
"extreme sadism" and "endless gory murders" and part of the
action. One reviewer on amazon.com called State of Emergency
"an enjoyable cacophony of senseless violence." So if you
need some last minute Xmas gifts for that ultra-violent
sadist in your life, check out the Dirty Dozen at
www.lionlamb.org.
AND WE THOUGHT BARBIE WAS DUMB
A company called Talking
Presidents dot com has produced a foot-tall George Bush doll
which includes some of his famous verbal gaffes along with
his tough talk on terrorism. The doll is already sold out for
Christmas, and they expect a new shipment some time in
January. Along with regular old Bush quotes about the evil
terrorism, the doll also says Bushisms such as "We're working
hard to put food on your family," and "I will not hold this
nation hostile."
(talkingpresidents.com)
I DID IT FOR OUR HAPPINESS, HONEY... YEAH, THAT'S IT!
Dr.
Lucielle Ostertag of the Italian Institute of Social Sciences
has just finished research of happily married couples which
reveals that extramarital affairs seem to be healthy for
marriages. According to her research, the more affairs a
couple enjoys, the more likely they are to remain happily
married. The most beneficial affair, she advises, is one
which follows the Long Distance Rule: anytime you are out of
your own area code doesn't count as cheating. (UPI)
LOTTERY LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE
78-year-old Angelo Gallina
and his wife Maria of Belmont, California, won two lottery
jackpots in one day last week. After spending a whopping $20
a day on lottery tickets for the past 17 years (a total of
$124,000) , the couple finally hit it big, first winning
$126,000 in a game called Fantasy Five, and then hitting the
big one - $17 million in the SuperLotto Plus game. According
to those who count these things, the odds of winning both of
the lotteries is about 24 trillion to one.
(San Francisco
Gate)