December 12, 2002
TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT
Two Iranian Siamese twins are in Singapore
trying to convince doctors to perform an operation which would
separate them because they can't stand each other's personalities.
An operation of this magnitude has never been attempted, as the
two have been joined at the head for 28 years, and their brains
have formed neurological connections which would need to be severed
in order to separate the two. At the moment, the twins are
undergoing intense physical and psychological evaluations, while a
team of doctors is trying to decide whether this operation could be
successfully completed. The twins dislike each other so much, they
claim they could not go on much longer if they are not separated.
"We are two completely separate individuals who are stuck to each
other," said Ladan Bijani, one of the sisters, "we have different
lifestyles...we think very differently about issues."
(BBC)
ROGUE NATIONS R US
Head on over to rootingoutevil.org and sign
yourself up to become an Honorary Weapons Inspector. In the new
year, the folks at Rooting Out Evil will be sending a team of
weapons inspectors into what they call "that greatest of rogue
nations, the United States of America." They figure that the U.S.
perfectly fits the definition of dangerous nations according to
criteria set out by the Bush administraion, which includes nations
with leaders who 1) have massive stockpiles of chemical,
biological, and nuclear weapons; 2) ignore due process at the
United Nations; 3) refuse to sign and honour international
treaties; and 4) have come to power through illegitimate means.
FROM THE "SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE" FILES
Dennis Hope, CEO of
Lunar Embassy, claims to be the sole and legal owner of real estate
on the moon and eight other planetary bodies. This would be funny,
except that he has actually been selling this real estate, and
suckers out there are buying it. What gives? Apparently, for US$20,
you get an acre on the moon, a deed, constitution, propety map,
mineral rights and a copy of the original Declaration of Ownership.
This con artist claims to have sold over 450 million acres of real
estate on the moon, Mars, Venus and Jupiter. Among his clients are
George Lucas, Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Tom Cruise and John Travolta.
Frickin' morons.
FROM THE "SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE" FILES, PART DUH
And if that
twerp selling lunar land wasn't bad enough, here's one that will
really make you wretch. A company out of California is charging
US$15 for their "Ticket to Heaven," which, as the name implies, is
a ticket into heaven. The ticket comes with a "certificate of
authenticity" (whatever that means) and a wallet-sized testimonial
card. Unfortunately, the company, Ticket To Heaven Inc., "makes no
warranties or representations" as to whether or not this ticket
will actually get you into Heaven or not. The ticket also includes
a disclaimer absolving the company of any responsibility if you
don't actually get into Heaven. Hey, fifteeen bucks for a piece of
paper which proves I'm a gullible sap! What a deal!
(ticket2heaven.com)
DREAMING OF A BLOODY CHRISTMAS
Just in time for Christmas,
independent toy companies are trying to cash in on the huge market
of children and teens who wouldn't be caught dead playing with a
boring old Barbie or Ken doll. Among the new line of macabre and
sinister toys is the Living Dead Doll, a ten-inch-tall doll with
devil-red eyes and blood pouring from its mouth, which comes in its
own coffin complete with a death certificate. Other characters
include dolls which are strapped in strait-jackets wearing a collar
and chain, dolls with exploding heads, and dolls which carry
knives.
(The Scotsman)
MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU'RE FIRED
Beware the office Christmas party.
Research carried out by a financial company in Great Britain found
that about 15 per cent of workers who attend their company's annual
celebration have done something embarrassing enough to become
detrimental to their careers. Of those who fall into this category,
44 per cent admitted to dancing inappropriately, 31 per cent ended
up screwing a colleague, 23 per cent threw up in front of their
co-workers, and 22 per cent were rude to their boss or flashed
someone at the party.
(Ananova)
BLACK DEATH
Astronomers have found a black hole streaking through
the milky way and heading towards our solar system. The black hole,
dubbed GRO J1655-40, is currently 6,000 light-years away, and
coming at us at about 250,000 mph, four times the speed of the
average star. The astronomers think we have nothing to worry about,
however, claiming that the black hole should miss us by about 1,000
light-years, they hope.
(CNN)
IF POT DIDN'T MAKE YOU TOO PARANOID TO TALK ON THE PHONE BEFORE...
A Surrey woman accidently called the police last week, leading them
to her marijuana grow-up home, because she believed an urban legend
which her son had told her, which claims that dialing an extra one
after a 9-1-1 call would connect her with a taped message which
would let her know if her phone was being tapped. Instead, she
reached the regular old emergency line, and police showed up at her
house, discovering the grow-op. They immediately arrested her and
three others.
(Vancouver Sun)