November 14, 2002

BET YOU COULD'VE WON THE LEAGUE'S BIGGEST CRYBABY AWARD

A few weeks back I mentioned that the Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse website (www.cala.com) was accepting votes for the year's most frivolous lawsuit. Well you might want to go change your vote after this one. A hockey dad in New Brunswick is suing the provincial amateur hockey assocation for $300,000 in psychological and punitive damages after his 16-year-old son didn't win the league's Most Valuable Player award. Along with the cash, he wants the MVP trophy taken away from the boy who won it and given to his son. The man claims the humiliation of not winning the award damaged his son so severely that the kid has given up playing hockey altogether. Boo hoo. (Globe and Mail)

THE RIGHT HONOURABLE DONALD DUCK

It's sad watching democracies decline and fall. The latest country to begin the slide towards fascism is Sweden, where legislation is being introduced which will ban voters from choosing candidates who don't actually exist. Sweden has decided on this draconian measure after repeatedly watching Donald Duck consistently receive a few hundred votes at each federal election. Along with the Donald Duck Party, the new laws will also eliminate Sweden's Tax Evader Party, the Beer Party and the Professional Bachelors Party. Approximately 1 in 20 Swedish voters traditionally choose write-in candidates over the choices they are given on the ballot. In 1985, Donald Duck received 291 votes, more than some of the politicians running for office that year. (ABC News)

 


THE HIGHEST SCORING TEAM IN THE COUNTRY, SORT OF
Seems that the
planets are aligned for bizarre sporting antics this month. Last
week it was the Bulgarian rugby team who was banned from competition
for two years after losing a match 151-0. This week, a Madagascan
soccer squad set the world record for most own-goals, proceeding to
lose a league championship match 149-0. After the opening whistle,
the team began repeatedly shooting the ball into their own net as a
bizarre protest against a perceived refereeing bias and numerous bad
calls against their team in previous matches. The opposing team
stood around and reportedly looked "bemused" by the spectacle, as
thousands of fans descended to the ticket booths to demand refunds. 

 (Midi Madagasikar News)
 


THE INVISIBILITY SPELL DOESN'T WORK ON REALLY STUPID PEOPLE
Police
in Iran are searching for a self-proclaimed sorcerer who convinced
some deluded fool that he was invisible. Using his new found powers,
the man entered a bank in Tehran and started taking banknotes out of
the hands of customers waiting in line. The customers quickly
overpwered him and called the police. The man then revealed that he
had spent about $625 to a wizard who did some spells in order to
grant him invisibility. 
(Reuters)
 


YOU'LL MAKE A TERRIBLE FATHER SOMEDAY
A wannabe deadbeat dad is
suing his former partner for over $10,000 after he discovered that
their daughter was not actually his child. "I want it all back‹every
cent for every toy, every blanket, every bit of food," said the man,
who claims he spent the $10,000 on things such as presents, trips to
the zoo, amusement park rides, Barbie dolls, a day of skating and
meals at McDonalds. "I wouldn't have spent all that money had I
known five years ago she wasn't my kid," he explained. 

(Melbourne
Herald-Sun)
 



LET THE CONSPIRACY CONTINUE!
NASA has dropped its plan to
commission a book which would challenge the conspiracy theorists who
believe that the moon landing was a hoax (as reported here last
week) after critics blasted NASA for showing poor judgement in its
bid to defend its positions. 

(BBC)
 

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