September 12, 2002

MARK OF THE BEAST UPDATE

Am I being paranoid, or does this story from England's Daily Mirror, (Sept. 2, 2002) mark the first day of seven years of tribulation? Following the murders of two 10-year-old girls in England, several families have offered up their children to be used as guinea pigs for new implantable microchips which will be used to track them if they are abducted.

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IMAGINE ALL THE PEOPLE...LOSING THEIR MONEY IN A BOND SCAM

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi is back with another scheme to save the world. Last year, after Sept. 11, he asked world governments to give him one billion dollars so that he could end terrorism and war by hiring 40,000 full-time yogic fliers. Since the money hasn't materialized, the Yogi is offering citizens of the world the chance to buy "World Peace Bonds" which will pay 6 to 7 per cent interest, and, as a bonus, bring peace to our world. With the money, he plans to build 3,000 "Peace Palaces" around the world, at which his followers will send out the powerful positive vibrations necessary to abolish stress, crime, violence, and wars. The bonds can be bought at his virtual nation - the Global Country of World Peace - at www.globalcountry.org. The Maharishi also came up with the quote of the week during his press conference. When asked his opinion of George W. Bush, he said "his brain is not functioning...when we create higher consciousness, he'll be out." (Washington Post)

TAKE TWO ANAL PROBES AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING

Mary Rodwell, author of the new book Awakening: How Extraterrestrial Contact Can Transform Your Life, claims that alien anal probes may not be such a bad thing after all. Despite the fear associated with being abducted by aliens, Rodwell claims the evidence shows that the experience is actually beneficial for abductees. The dreaded anal probe, for example, may actally be good for your health. Rodwell says that there are hundreds of cases in which people suffering from chronic ailments before being abducted were completely cured after receiving an anal probe. (Wireless Flash)

YOU ONLY WANT ME FOR MY BODY PARTS

An undercover journalist who recorded a British doctor offering to sell him organs from live donors in India has renewed investigations into the huge black market for human organs. In 1994 India banned the commercial trading of human organs, but most experts believe this simply forced the activity to an underground market controlled by crime gangs. According to campaigners against involuntary organ donations, prices quoted for organs from live donors are $4,500 for a cornea, $55 for a patch of skin and $1,000 to $2,000 for a kidney. (Times of India)

LET THEM EAT McJUNK

The McNobs at McDonalds in Norway chose a fine time to release their new creation. The "McAfrika" is a new sandwich supposedly based on an authentic Afrikan recipe. Humanitarian groups are infuriated with the new promotion, pointing out that there are currently about twelve million people starving to death in Malawi and Zimbabwe. "It's inappropriate and distasteful to launch a hamburger called McAfrika when large portions of southern Africa are on the verge of starvation," said Linn Aas-Hansen of Norwegian Church Aid. McDonald's doesn't much care, saying only that "we acknowledge that we have chosen an unfortunate time to launch this new product." (The Guardian)

DOOMSDAY ALERT OF THE WEEK

A French doomsday cult is under police suicide watch as the deadline for the end of the world approaches on October 24. This, after one member of the cult commited suicide, and two others attempted to kill themselves after the last deadline for the end of the world passed quietly last July 11. After that date passed without incident, the New Lighthouse sect lost many of its members. The few who remain are waiting for voyagers from Venus to take them away before Oct. 24. (Reuters)

GIVING THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT

With the birthrate in Sweden declining, and the economy slowing down, a Swedish politician running for a seat in parliament has come up with a brilliant solution to solve both problems. Teres Kirpildi, of the Christian Democratic party, says porn should be broadcast on television all day every Saturday in order to get couples to have more sex and boost the populatio of Sweden. "I want erotica and porn on television every Saturday, all day. Then people would feel like having more sex. I think most people like porn, even though they don't want to admit it," she explained. (AFP)

OLD NEWS

WKMG-TV out of Florida reports that the world's oldest living person has been found in a small Indian village in the foothills of the Himalayas. Although she has no birth certificate, officials believe that her claim of being born in 1872 (making her 130 years old) hold up by inspecting her family tree, and by the fact that she has a 102-year-old son.

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