August 22, 2002

HOW TO DO DRUGS

Anti-drug groups in Britain are trying to shut down a company which has been creating humourous "educational" comics about safe drug use after it was discovered that the group receives about $6.2 million per year in government funding. The comics, with titles such as Everything You Wanted To Know About Cannabis, How to Survive Your Parents Discovering You're a Drug User, Overdose (see inset at right), and When Things Go Wrong have garnered a huge cult following, and are collected and traded in European prisons. The company which publishes the comics says only that they are trying to communicate with drug users in a realistic manner. Since the "Just Say No" approcach doesn't work, they feel they are providing a service by keeping drug addicts alive and relatively healthy. Some of the advice in the comic books includes "how to roll a joint," "how to drop acid and still look and feel good," how to take Ecstasy and avoid looking washed out," and "how to avoid eating too much space cake." The comics also warn pot smokers that marijuana can be fattening, that the pain from heroin withdrawal is there 24 hours a day, seven days a week, that acid eaters risk experience extremely bad trips, and that excessive cannabis use can make people lasy and unmotivated. (lifeline.org.uk)

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THE MOTHER OF ALL AMUSEMENT PARK RIDES

Scientists from The European Space Agency, NASA, and various investment companies are meeting with a Seattle company, High Lift Systems, at a two-day conference to discuss technical hurdles and find funding in order to begin construction of a space elevator within the next few years. "Technology is now catching up with science fiction. It should be taken pretty seriously," says Brad Edwards of High Lift Systems. The plan involves attaching a cable from an ocean-based platform to a satellite in orbit 35,000 kilometres above the Earth. Commercial loads could then be mechanically pulled up the cable and catapulted into orbit at a fraction of what it costs using conventional means such as the Space Shuttle. Edwards claims that the first country or company to build the elevator, priced at about $10 billion, will have a huge advantage over competitors and could "own space" for the next 100 years. Future uses may even include sending human tourists up the elevator to a space station or space hotel. (BBC)

CRIME DOES PAYS SOMETIMES

A woman in England who had her debit card stolen was more than a bit surprised to find that her bank balance was actually going up instead of down. It seems that the person who stole her card used it to go bet on the horses, and the bookie has a system whereby winnings are directly deposited into your account. By the time police got involved and figured out what had happened, the "victim" of the crime had made US$445. (London Times)

YOUR SOUL SUCKING JOB IS ALSO WRECKING YOUR SPERM

Research published in the journal Reproductive Toxicology reports that a desk job may be hazardous to a man's ability to produce offspring. Using special thermometers placed in research subject's underwear (try not to picture it) the "scientists" found that sitting down for more than one hour leads to a significant increase in scrotal temperatures, which may affect the quality of sperm being produced. The study concluded that men who are trying to have children should be temporarily reassigned from their desk jobs, or should get up and walk around every 30 minutes to help lower the temperature of their nuts. (The Independent)

CASHED OUT

The definition of "eccentric millionaire" may have to be updated to include a picture of Grover Chestnut. The deceased cattle rancher from Montana implemented a unique plan in order to ensure that his relatives would regularly visit his grave after his death. He installed a bank machine in his tombstone and had it rigged up to allow ten of his heirs to withdraw up to $300 per week. (Wireless Flash)

TV OR NOT TV?

The small, isolated kingdom of Bhutan is setting itself up for some harsh growing pains, as homes in that nation are finally being hooked up to cable TV, three years after King Singye Wagchuck graciously legalized television in 1999. Hidden between India and China in the Himalayan mountains, Bhutan has remained isolated from the "progress" of the rest of the world. Now that 45 cable channels are being installed, the debate over whether television will be a positive or negative influence on the country has begun. Critics claim that previously gentle children who studied Buddhism are now practicing body slams which they've learned from the WWF. Others claim that many Bhutanese are developing a new appreciation for their peaceful nation after viewing the horrors of violence and crime that seem to be everywhere on our globe. Check out the PBS website at for much more.

AT LEAST SHE'S NOT SWEARING IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN

A 38-year-old woman suffering from Tourette's syndrome has taken her apartment complex to court in order to fight her eviction. Tenants in the building got plenty fed up with the most annoying aspect of the woman's condition, which often has her screaming "Fire!" at the top of her lungs in the middle of the night. Her lawsuit claims that her "involuntary vocalizations" are protected under federal disability laws, and her neighbours will just have to get used to it. (Rocky Mountain News)

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