August 8, 2002

AND THE GOLD MEDAL IN WEATHER MANIPULATION GOES TO...

China seems to be desperate to perfect weather manipulation techniques before the Olympics come to Beijing in 2008. To go along with an extensive tree planting campaign, closing down polluting factories, and clamping down on vehicle emissions, researchers at Beijing's Study Institute of Artificial Influence on the Weather are experimenting with cloud seeding and rain averting techniques. China has been changing the weather since the 1950's, and claims relatively consistent success inducing rainfall every year to combat the region's chronic drought, and they also claim to have stopped rain clouds from forming on at least three separate occasions in the past decade, twice for sporting events and once for a panda festival. (Newsweek)

BAD GOBLINS, BAD!

The headmaster at a secondary school in Zimbabwe has fled the school after being accused of controlling a group of ghosts and goblins who are sexually harassing female students and teachers at the school. Complaints began about six weeks ago when a student claimed to have been attacked by mysterious beings during the night. Since that time, 30 other students and teachers have had unusual experiences, including one girl who claimed to have been bitten on the arm after she wrestled with a ghost which tried to sleep with her. Others have complained of being beaten by invisible objects, and one student went into a trance and started threatening students and demanding meat. (dailynews.co.zw)

'FESS UP, RAEL, WHEN ARE THE SPACE BEINGS COMING?

Our old friends the Raelians continue to stay in the headlines. The cult's business enterprise, Clonaid, claims to have created a cloning machine (the RMX2010) and is planning to sell it on the internet for US$9,000. They also recently announced that they have impregnated a South Korean woman with a two-month-old cloned fetus. No word on how the fundraising drive is going for their interplanetary embassy, however. (Discovery Channel)

AN END TO ANNOYING COMPUTER BUGS

A computer programmer in Thailand has created an incredibly popular piece of software which repels mosquitos by emitting sound waves through the computer speakers to annoy pests. The original software was so popular, being downloaded over 50,000 times in the first three days, that he decided to upgrade the software to also repel cockroaches and rats. The upgraded software is called Anti-Mal 2.0, and can be downloaded at thaiware.com. Despite some complaints from users that the original software caused headaches, he claims that the frequencies used on the new program for rats and cockroaches are undetectable by humans and dogs. (CNN)

I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE BEFORE IT DISAPPEARS COMPLETELY

A Malaysian man who checked into a hospital complaining of hiccups left after ten days, claiming that the medication he was given left him partially deaf, damaged his throat, and shortened his penis. (CNN)

THE ALL-MONKEY A-TEAM

A team of monkeys in Murshidabad, India carried off a bizarre rescue of one of their own after police took a baby monkey, whose mother had been killed, to their station. The adventure started when a man was arrested for shooting an endangered female langur. Police took the body to the station, with the baby still clinging to it's dead mother. As the day came to a close, about 30 monkeys began surrounding the police station and staking out spots on the roof. During the night, a group of the monkeys managed to sneak into the station and quietly take off with the baby. No gunplay was necessary and McGyver apparently wasn't consulted. (newsmakingnews.com)

WOW! YOU DO HAVE A MARKETABLE SKILL!

Hey Homer, here's your chance to quit your stupid job and really do something you love. One of England's most exclusive stores, Fortnum & Mason, have placed a help wanted ad in The Telegraph seeking a new chocolate buyer. The successful applicant will travel the world, taste as much chocolate as possible, and buy the very best for customers back in London. And even though most people would travel the world and eat chocolate for free, they're even gonna throw in a $54,4000 yearly salary. Sweet!

FREE DRUGS!

News out of Malaysia claims that there is a small but growing number of drug addicts, who, unable to get drugs due to that countries incredibly strict anti-drug laws, have taken to sniffing fresh cow dung in order to get high. Apparently, cow dung emits gases such as sulphur, which give you a high similar to huffing glue. Malaysia's National Narcotics Agency is considering legislation to ban the sniffing of dung, as well as glue and polystyrene smoke. "The problem is not very serious yet, but we are worried as this method means addicts can get high for free," said an official from the agency. (AP)

LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS

The Russians have developed a plan to send people to Mars by the year 2015. Now they're begging the rest of the world to help them fund it. Vitaly Semyonov, head of the Mars project at the Keldysh Research Centre, announced the $20 billion plan last week, and hopes to establish an international co-operative between the Russian space program, NASA, and the European Space Agency. The plan involves a 440-day mission with six astronauts, three of whom would land on the planet's surface. (BBC)

FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY A CHAIN OF STARBUCKS

Harrison Schmitt, the last man to set foot on the moon back in 1972, is trying to develop a plan to mine helium-3 from the moon, a rare isotope which he claims could be used to develop a clean, safe and limitless nuclear fusion fuel. He believes that within 15 years humans will be up on the moon mining the material. He also predicted that lunar tourism would follow shortly after mining begins. "The steep mountains would inevitably attract thrill seekers," he explained, "someone, someday is going to try to ski them with some teflon coated skis." (CNN)

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