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December 23, 1999


FIRST, THE GOOD NEWS

We've all heard that suicides go way up around Christmas time. It sounds feasible: the combination of bad Xmas muzak, enforced feel-good family gatherings, and maxed-out credit cards can make anyone want to celebrate with a few cyanide shooters. But according to the National Centre for Health Statistics,suicide rates actually decline around the holidays, with December having the fewest suicides of any month. The NCHS also states that there are more suicides than murders every year, so the the most likely person to kill you isŠyou. You might want to stay away from sharp objects after those rum 'n' eggnogs kick in.


KILL YOURSELF, GET OUT OF JAIL

A British prison reform group has asked the Prison Service to grant home leave to convicts over the millennium holidays to prevent them from committing suicide. Officials decided not to make any changes to the rules, fearing that rewarding at-risk prisoners would encourage other prisoners to harm themselves, or threaten suicide. (Reuters)


MORE DEADLY STATS

The continuing low-status of women in China has contributed to an epidemic of suicides in that country. The Women's International Network Newsreports that an average of 500 Chinese women commit suicide every day, about five times the global average. Combined with the traditionally poor treatment of females is the Chinese notion that suicide is "a demonstration of strength and convictionŠa time-honored resort of women who have been maligned, dishonored, shamed, or wronged." (Utne Reader)


SCARY HARE KARE

Japan's deepest recession in 50 years has brought more than salary cuts and corporate restructuring. 1998 saw a record of 32,863 suicides in Japan, up 35 per cent from previous years. Of these 6,058 were clearly caused by economic difficulties, an increase of 70 percent! In March, a Japanese court ruled for the first time that a company employee was driven to suicide by overwork and ordered the government to compensate the family. (Nexus)


BLAME A BOOK

This 35 per cent rise in suicides in Japan has prompted authorities to consider banning The Complete Manual of Suicide,by Turumi Wataru. The suicide manual has sold 1.2 million copies in the past six years, and teaches people ten ways to "leave this troubled world whenever you choose." It compares methods of suicide in terms of pain, speed and disfigurement. (London Guardian)


UNHAPPY LITTLE ELVES

Unionized shopping mall employees in Brazil have refused to wear red Santa hats during the pre-Christmas shopping rush, due to temperatures of over 30 degrees Celsius (it's summer in Brazil right now). Besides, the workers said, they "felt ridiculous" wearing the hats. No doubt. (Reuters)


THE END IS NEAR (LIKE, IN NINE DAYS)

A CSIS report warns that end-time cults may resort to violence as the new millenium dawns, in order to bring about their doomsday predictions. The report claims that as many as 400 "doomsday religious movements" (a third of the 1200 cults worldwide) have stockpiled weapons, and may use violence either to help trigger a hoped-for apocalypse or to create chaos if the apocalypse doesn't happen. The FBI has just release a similar report, entilted Project Megiddo, which warns "the volatile mix of apocalyptic religious andŠconspiracy theories may produce violent acts aimed at precipitating the end of the world as prophesied in the Bible." Interestingly, neither report states that either government agency is doing much about it. (National Post)


PATENT NO. 666?

Applied Digital Solutions, Inc., announced last Thursday that it has purchased the patent rights to a "miniature digital receiver," a device that can be implanted under the skin and tracked by Global Positioning Satellite technology. Company spin doctors, who call their chip "Digital Angel"claim such positive uses as "providing a tamper-proof means of identification for enhanced e-business security, locating lost or missing individuals, tracking the location of valuable property and monitoring the medical conditions of at-risk patients." Yeah, right, sounds great, where do I sign away my soul? (www.adsx.com)


M.A.R.C.C. OF THE B.E.A.S.T.

According to researchers Sean David Morton and Michael Douglass, the American military is tagging GI's with a tracking chip called a "Multiple Automated Readout Computer Chip" (MARCC). This chip, presumably, will help the army locate POW's and MIA's in future conflicts. These chips are monitored by military supercomputers called "Battle Engagement Arena Simulation and Tracking" (BEAST) computers. (Sightings)


HALF A BRAIN

A few brilliant thieves in Colombia made off with 756 shoes valued at US$16,583. Unfortunately, they were all for the right foot‹their matching left halves were safely locked away in a storeroom. (Bizarre magazine)


HARSH

When seven-year-old Lydia Ann Hanson went to school and told her teacher "My mom is dead," she was told to be quiet and sit down. After school, the girl went home, heated up some leftovers, then watched TV with her dead mom and slept beside her in bed, reports the Boston Globe.


GHOSTS AND ALIENS BRING DOWN GOD

A new poll conducted in the U.K. found that 67 per cent of 15 to 24-year-olds have some belief in ghosts, and 61 per cent have some belief in aliens, but only 39 per cent have any belief in God. (www.the-journal-co.uk)


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