June 13, 2002

EPISODE III: ATTACK OF THE HEADLESS CLONES

Last week I had the great fortune to stumble upon a news item from 1997 which I remember hearing about but could never actually confirm. The article was from the British Press Association's interview with Dr. Patrick Dixon, author of The Genetic Revolution, in which he predicted that within ten years headless human clones will be created in order to grow perfectly matched organs and tissues for transplant surgery. He made the statements after scientists created a headless frog embryo, and research indicated that the same technique could grow human hearts, kidneys and livers in an embryonic sac living in an artificial womb (there's an image I won't soon forget.) "I believe that there will be great pressure to combine cloning technology with the creation of partial foetuses, missing heads, arms or legs, as organ factories for tomorrow's people," Dr. Dixon stated, adding that "these will be developed on an experimental level somewhere in the the world in countries where there is little or no gene legislation within the next 10 years because of overwhelming demand." (globalchange.com)

BECAUSE POTHEADS DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO CRIME

Police in the London borough of Lambeth have reported a remarkable decrease in crime since they began a plan to treat cannabis offenders more leniently and to focus their resources on street crime and the dealing of hard drugs. About six months ago police implemented a plan to save time and resources by not arresting those in the possession of marijuana. Since that time, robberies and muggings are down 18 per cent, the largest reduction in crime in London. (BBC)

SO I'M GREEDY AND STUPID, I STILL WANT MY PRIZE

Ah, the impulsiveness of youth. A couple of dudes in Illinois were so excited by a radio contest they went ahead and had the station's logo tattooed on their foreheads. So far, however, they have been unable to collect their prizes, which, they say, should include $30,000 a year for five years, concert tickets, and backstage passes. Instead, both have lost their jobs and have been unable to find new work due to the tattoos, and they are now suing the radio station for breach of contract, fraud and negligence. The station, however, claims the so-called contest was a practical joke aimed at the excessively greedy and stupid. (www.radioink.com)

PUT A TURBAN ON IT

A woman in Hong Kong who tried to sue her hair stylist for giving her an Osama bin Laden haircut has lost her case. She had asked for a hair style similar to Julia Roberts, but told the court, "it was like a broom. Every hair struck out and it looked like an open umbrella which could not be shut. It was horrible. I looked like Osama bin Laden." After her claim for US$6,410 in damages was denied, she accused the judge of not understanding her pain because he was bald. (South China Morning Post)

IF IT MAKES U.S. POLITICIANS SOUND STUPID, IT MUST BE TRUE

Beijing's largest newspaper, the Beijing Evening Post, last week ran an article which claimed that members of U.S. Congress were threatening to move out of Washington if a fancy new Capitol building wasn't built. Unfortunately, the article was lifted from The Onion, a satirical news publication which is filled with obviously tongue-in-cheek "news." The Onion parody claimed that members of congress wanted a building with more bathrooms, better parking, dancing water fountains and luxury boxes like those in modern stadiums. The Beijing Evening Post even ran an architects' rendering of a proposed future Capitol building which included a retractable dome roof. (Boston Globe)

HE WON'T MIND, HE'S DEAD

Police are investigating a woman in Illinois who had stored her brother's dead body in a plastic bag for four years while she continued to collect his social security benefits. The woman had been caring for her disabled brother while he was still alive. When he died, she wrapped him in some blankets and put a plastic bag over his body. (Chicago Tribune)

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