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December 16, 1999


NEWS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR

Anyone caught in the crossfire of tear gas in Seattle last week and suffering from any of the following symptoms are urged to contact Dr. Kirk Murphy of the Direct Action Network Medic Team: abrupt onset of menstration, vomiting or diarrhea, temporary impairment of vision, confusion, brief unconsciousness, convulsions or delayed burning. These symptoms have raised the harrowing possibility that the National Guard used the WTO protesters as guinea pigs for a newly developed nerve agent. Protestors who were gassed on Wednesday (after the National Guard arrived) are exhibiting symptoms not connected with tear gas or pepperspray, but with non-lethal neurotoxins used in chemical weapons. Contact Dr. Murphy at kmurphy@ucla.edu.


EAT THE RICH (WELL, EAT THEIR FOOD, ANYWAY)

On the heels of the success of direct action down in Seattle, a Montreal group stormed the posh Chateau Champlain hotel last Thursday and "reappropriated" pricey buffet food in order to feed it to panhandlers and streetpeople. The commandos decree: "these food-grab actions are done during the Christmas season, when we hear all this crap about helping the poor and homeless. The poor should just help themselves, which is what they did today."


ONE HARD YEAR

The Catholic Doctors' Association in Malaysia had planned to award a year's supply of Viagra to the winner of its charity golf tournament, but chose to award cash instead, after Pfizer Inc., makers of the drug, advised them that such a prize would "promote irresponsible and reckless use." Spoil sports. (Bizarre magazine)


CHIPPING AWAY AT YOUR PRIVACY

Last year, University of Reading professor Kevin Warwick had a computer chip implanted in his body as part of an experiment in controlling computers remotely without keyboard or mouse. In an interview with the television show Beyond 2000,in which he was asked about future applications of this technology, the professor gave some troubling scenarios. "With the type of implant I have, what you could actually do now is have a credit card as an implantŠ(another) possibility also is say, for businesses who want to track their employees, they will pay you a salary if you have an implant. That way they can check on you when you go to the toilet, what time you come in, etceteraŠ" And dock your pay every time you pee, I suppose.


SMILE, YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA

A civil liberties group called Privacy International has given the U.K. town of Newham its annual "Big Brother" award, for installing a surveillance network of more than 200 cameras that watch over the town's residents. The cameras employ a newly developed facial-recognition system that can automatically pick out known criminals (like jaywalkers?) and alert authorities as to their whereabouts. This technology, known as "biometrics" is receiving $11.7 million in funding from the Pentagon for the year 2000, who plan on developing a system that can "identify subjects from distances of between 100 and 500 feet‹subjects who probably don't want to be identified." (Scientific American)


WHAT'S THE POINT?

Convicted killer David Lond, imprisoned in Huntsville, Texas, managed to get his December 6 execution date postponed after attempting to commit suicide by overdosing on opiates. Prison officials rushed him to a hospital in order to keep him alive, presumably so they could give him his lethal injection later in the day.


EAT, LIKE, A PIG

The first successfully franchised restaurant in China is Shen Qing's Baked Pig Face, which now boasts seven locations (that's one for every 150 million Chinese, no wonder they're successful). Their specialties include the 30-herb whole pig's head and the roast ox penis, but connoisseurs particularly relish the brain, the eating of which, the restaurant claims, "can make you smarter." (Wall Street Journal)


INVENTIONS WE CAN LIVE WITHOUT

Harvard University is taking the Canadian government to court in order to receive a patent for genetically modified mice which they have created for research purposes (the mice are genetically engineered to be predisposed to developing cancer). The government argues that patents are for inventions and that Harvard didn't "invent" the mice, but America and Japan have already granted the patent. (CBC)


WHO WANTS TO WATCH ANOTHER REALLY DUMB SHOW?

Next Entertainment production company is looking for brides-to-be to get married live on the air, for their planned television special Who Wants To Marry A Multi-millionaire?Are those TV execs running out of ideas, or what? (UPI)


GETTING SMASHED

Hundreds of Chinese have been injured, blinded, or killed in the past year due to exploding beer bottles. It seems most of China's breweries use thin soy sauce or vinegar bottles which cannot handle the pressure of CO2. (All About Beer Magazine)


GOING, GOING, GOING...

A McGill University study published in the the October issue of Conservation Biologyclaims that North America's freshwater animals are the most endangered species group on the continent. The researchers stated that common freshwater species, from snails to fish to amphibians, are dying out five times faster than land species, and three times faster than coastal marine mammals.


MUTUAL ASSURED BOREDOM

The U.S. Congress has revealed plans to turn a Minuteman nuclear missile silo in South Dakota into a Cold War Museum. (AP)


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Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt (604) 803-7485
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
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