March 14, 2002

GEORGE WWIII BUSH

The LA Times has obtained a classified Pentagon report that lays out the Bush Administration's contingency plans for using nuclear weapons against at least seven nations. The secret report states that Bush has asked the Pentagon to prepare plans for scenarios in which the U.S. would need to use nuclear weapons against China, Russia, Iraq, North Korea, Iran, Libya and Syria. The scenarios include strikes against targets which would withstand a non-nuclear attack, retaliation for an attack with nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons, or "in the event of surprising military developments," (which sounds a lot like "whenever we feel like it.") This is the first time that any government has made specific plans to use nuclear weapons, other than those in place against the U.S.S.R. during the Cold War. The report goes on to say that the U.S. would consider using nuclear weapons in an Arab-Israeli conflict, in a war between China and Taiwan, in an attack from North Korea on the south, or in an attack by Iraq on Israel or another neighbor.

THE EXPERIMENT CONTINUES...

Despite the fact that you won't hear about it from any mainstream news outlet, the chemtrail phenomena simply won't go away, and revelations about the project continue to be exposed by journalists William Thomas of Lifeboat News and Bob Fitrakis of the Columbus Alive. In January, Senator Dennis Kucinich, who has introduced a bill to congress which would ban "exotic weapons," told Fitrakis that chemtrails are part of a program in the Department of Defense called 'Vision for 2020,' which is developing space-based weapons and weather modification technologies. Fitrakis also interviewed an unnamed scientist from the Wright-Patterson air force base who is currently working with electromagnetic and weather modification technology. He claims that chemtrails are connected to two different projects: one involving cloud creation to lessen the effect of global warming and one connected to the military's high-power Radio Frequency beam weapon (HAARP) in Alaska. (www.lifeboatnews.com)

WHEN MORONS DRIVE

In what has got to be the strangest hit-and-run case ever reported, 25-year-old Chante Mallard of Fort Worth, Texas, was charged last week after hitting a man with her car, driving home with the victim stuck in the shattered windshield of her car, then parking in the garage and carrying on with her life for two days while the man slowly died of blood loss and shock. Mallard told police she had been drunk and high on ecstasy as she drove home from a party and hit the man. Over the next two days, she claims that she frequently went to the garage to apologize to the injured, dying man. After he died, she had two of her friends take the body and dump it in a nearby park. (Fort Worth Star-Telegraph)

WE DO EVERYTING TOGETHER

Two 70-year-old twins in Finland died within three hours of each other last week in similar road accidents. At 9:29 a.m., the first brother was struck by a truck while cycling on an icy road in Raahe, Finland. Two hours and 17 minutes later, the other brother was struck by a truck while cycling on an icy road about a mile from where his brother had been killed. (Ananova)

BAD FASHION DECISIONS

An 11-year-old boy in Omaha who went to school dressed as Jesus for "Dress Like Your Favourite Book Character" day, got into a fist fight with another boy who spent the day calling him Little Bo Peep and Heidi. The boy had been wearing a tunic and carrying a staff. (Omaha World-Herald)

BORING SEX ON THE PHONE

A 62-year-old Romanian man is refusing to pay a US$1,300 sex line phone bill which he racked up after falling asleep during the call. He says that even if he had the money he wouldn't pay the bill - because the phone sex was boring. (Ananova)

BORING SEX ONLINE

The newest issue of the online Journal of Mundane Behaviour is focussing on the thoroughly unexciting topic of mundane sex. Sociologist Kimberly Mahaffy chose the theme, she says, because "some of us are too tired to have sex or we go through the motions. The novelty and lust have been replaced by 'Can we do it before 10 p.m.? and 'Do I have to take my socks off?" So instead of boring yourself with all that porn you're constantly downloading, you can go to www.mundanebehavior.org and read about it, instead. But be warned, reading about mundane sex is even more boring than having mundane sex.

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