January 10, 2002
IS IT LIVE, OR IS IT THE HOLOGRAPHIC PROJECTOR?
By now everybody realizes
that you can't believe everything you read. With the perfection of digital
effects, we are starting to realize that sometimes we can't even believe
our own eyes. And now, with the latest development of voice morphing
technology developed at the Los Alamos National Laboratory we can no longer
believe everything we hear, either. It's a conspiracy theorists wet dream,
where every image on television or voice on the radio could be a carefully
constructed piece of military propaganda or disinformation. And if you
don't think the military would sink so low, well, it already has. The
Washington Post reports that a super secret program was established in 1994
to create a "Holographic Projector" which could be used to "project
information from space... for special operations deception missions." Yes,
bizarre but true. According to the Post, military analysts during the Gulf
War actually tried to figure out if it would be feasible to project an
image of Allah over Baghdad to try to convince the Iraqi people to rise up
against Saddam Hussein. The plan died after the geniuses at the Pentagon
realized they had no idea what Allah looks like. Well, I wonder which
plans they did manage to pull off?
CIRCLE (THE GLOBE) JERK
If masturbating alone in the privacy of your own
home is getting stale, why not join thousands in the monthly "Globalgasm"
broadcast live on the net the first day of each month. The folks at
www.globalgasm.com have designed a web community out to prove that a
monthly digital orgy (with simultaneous planetary orgasm scheduled for 8
p.m. PST) can promote worldwide sexual healing. "The world needs an
injection of focused, positive, sexual energy," they claim. "If we all do
it at the same time, we can build off each other and elevate the vibe to an
earth shattering level."
EVERYDAY SHOULD BE ORGASM DAY
Or, if you prefer a less virtual sexual
experience, move on down to Esperantina, Brazil, before May 9, which has
been dubbed that city's first annual Orgasm Day. (Ananova)
HIGH IDEALS
Organizers Tracy Johnson and Jeff Jarvis ("We're your
neighbours. We smoke pot.") in Portland, Oregon have begun work on PotAid
2002, a Live Music Benefit to raise money for the fight to decriminalize
marijuana and to support the legal battle of those who have been charged
for marijuana-related offenses. They also hope to lose the counter-culture
stereotype that surrounds pot smokers. "We are not hippies," says Johnson,
"we are the everyday folks who accept your bank deposits, deliver your
packages, and educate your families." (Hey, isn't that what Tyler Durden
was saying before he lost it in Fight Club?) Their goal is to attract a
crowd of about 100,000, and raise one million dollars to help end the war
on drugs. And, of course, they desperately need help. Check it out at
www.potaid.org.
WWW.WEBSITESMADEBYMORONS.COM
Timothy McDuffie of Encinitas, California has
won the least exciting award of 2001, by being the man who most looks like
Kenny Rogers! Check out the winner and all the competitors at one of the
most pointless sites on the web (and that's really saying something), at
www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com.
THERE'S STILL TIME TO CHANGE YOUR NAME
A study conducted at the University
of San Diego, which examined 27 years' worth of California death
certificates, found that people with "good" monograms such as GOD, ACE, or
WOW, lived over seven years longer than people whose monograms spelled
words such as PIG, RAT, DUD, or ILL. (San Mateo Times)
ASK FOR YOUR "END OF THE WORLD" BONUS PACK
Thanks to cyberspace, you can
now join a suicide cult without all the hassles of a full-time real-life
cult. Click on over to www.arsnova.org/vmall/vcult.html were they offer you
the chance to join a Virtual Suicide Cult which includes video
introduction, cyberspace initiation with your cult leader, secret suicide
potion recipes, and an on-line "last supper" with downloadable virtual
foods. Choose the one to suit your personality: Eastern Metaphysical,
Californian New-Age, South-American Shamanism, Born-Again Christian,
Science Cult or ET Cult! All available in three or six month plans, so
there's plenty of time to prepare for the end.
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Copyright 2002 by Andreas Ohrt
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com