December 13, 2001

DUMBER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR

After fifteen years of research and over $150,000 later, Canada's craziest inventor, Troy Hurtubise, of North Bay, Ontario, is ready to test his bear-proof suit against a 585 kilog ram Kodiak grizzly bear in the wilds of Western Canada. The suit, nicknamed the Mark VI (see inset), is made out of rubber, chainmail, galvanized steel, titanium, and 2,289 metres of duct tape. So far, Troy has tested his suit against 18 collisions with a 3-ton truck travelling at 40 mph, has had his friends repeatedly beat him with two by fours and axes, and has been shot at with arrows and bullets. The Mark VI has made it into the 2002 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records, as the most expensive research suit ever produced. (Annals of Improbable Research)

CENSORSHIP SHOULD BE BANNED

Last week's announcement that Chapters had banned copies of Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf reminded me of the story from two years ago when two lawyers asked the German government to put The Bible on the national "not for children list," claiming that the book contains a "gruesomeness difficult to exceed." The lawyers went on to say that The Bible "preaches genocide, racism, enmity toward Jews, gruesome executions for adulterers and homosexuals, the murder of one's own children and many other perversities." (www.freedomforum.org)

DOESN'T ANYONE RUN OFF AND JOIN A MONASTERY ANYMORE?

A 32-year-old Filipino man, taking inspiration from Matthew 18:8, which advises "if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away," decided to hack off his penis with a machete. He had believed that his penis was leading him to sin, and often visualized it as a cobra drawing him toward women. The man is now under psychiatrict evaluation, and recovering in a hospital, were doctors managed to reconstruct his member to 80 per cent of its original sinful state.

GOD FORBID WE TEACH CHILDREN THE TRUTH IN SCHOOL

A substitute teacher in Australia has been suspended and forced to receive counseling after she told the six-year-olds in her class that Santa Claus does not exist. After angry parents forced disciplinary action to be taken, the school board released a statement saying that they had "no formal position on Santa Claus," but advised teachers to tell children to ask their parents about Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. (Reuters)

SO YOU SUCK, AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT HURTING ANYBODY

A study by Nicholas Emler, a social psychologist from the London School of Economics, claims that many of the social problems attributed to low self-esteem are myths, and that high self-esteem may pose a far greater threat. The study showed that young people with high self-esteem are more likely to be rascist, or to engage in high-risk activities such as speeding or drunk driving. Whereas those suffering from low self-esteem are more likely to insure themselves, those with high self-esteem tend to damage other people, says Emler, "either because they are reckless and dangerous or because they are unpleasant." He also found that low self-esteem did not increase the risk of violence, drug use, alcohol abuse or racsim, but did increase the incidence of depression, suicide, teenage pregnancy, and being victimized by bullies. (Reuters)

SUFFERING FROM CLOSE ENCOUNTERS?

Been wondering if you've been abducted by aliens recently? Well, wonder no more. Hit www.abduct.com where you can fill out an online survey that will reveal the likelihood that you have been abducted. Like me, you'd probably be apt to answer yes to the question about missing time, but they insist that memory loss due to drinking binges or mind-altering substances are not related to UFO phenomena.

THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

Four men in Winnipeg have been charged with robbing a drunk man who fell off the roof of their car after he asked for a ride home. Their car was full, so they let him cling to the roof as they drove off at 60 kmh. After he fell off the car, they took the unconscious man to the emergency room, then took off with his wallet. (CP)

COLD, HARD SEX

Christopher Hart, auther of Rescue Me, has won Great Britain's Bad Sex in Fiction Award, given out each year for "the worst fictional description of the sexual act," with his description that compares a seduction to an expedition to the North Pole: "Her hand is moving away from my knee and heading north. Heading unnervingly and with a steely will toward the pole...Ever northward moves her hand, while she smiles languorously at my right ear. And when she reaches the north pole, I think in wonder and terror - she will surely want to pitch her tent." (Reuters)

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Copyright 2001 by Andreas Ohrt
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com