October 11, 2001
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
Studies done by psychology professor Dr. Stuart Appelle,
claim that almost one million Americans believe they have had an alien
abduction experience. Dr. Appelle is focusing his research on those
elements of abduction stories which are remarkably similar over a wide
spectrum of the population. A "typical" experience, he says, begins with
abductees being taken from their bedrooms, or after they are stopped in
their vehicles along an isolated strip of road. They report seeing an alien
or UFO. This is generally followed by a period of amnesia and lost time of
between one and two hours. When their memories return, abducteed claime to
have been aboard a spaceship or unusual environment, where they are subject
to various physical and psychological examinations by beings who are (in
most accounts) gray, about four or five feet tall, with large heads and
eyes. (zwire.com)
SO WHY DOESN'T IT WORK ON THE LOTTERY?
A study of women undergoing in vitro
fertilization procedures carried out at the Columbia University College of
Physicians and Surgeons found that prayer seemed to double the chance of
success. The research found that women who had people pray for them had a
50 per cent pregnancy rate compared to a 26 per cent rate in women who were
not prayed for. The studies were not carried out on behalf of any
religious group, and the doctors admitted to being shocked by the findings,
but stated "we are putting the results out there hoping to provoke
discussion and see if anything can be learned from it." The study also
found that older women, aged between 30 and 39, benefitted to a greater
degree from prayer. (Journal of Reproductive Medicine)
WHO CAN RESIST SEX WITH A TEENAGE GIRL?
Last week we heard the decree from
the king of Swaziland that men engaging in sex with teenage girls would be
fined one cow. I guess that man can afford to lose a few cows, as this
week we learn that the king himself has broken the decree by taking a
17-year-old girl as his new fiancee. The king already has one other fiancee
and seven wives. Tough life... (UPI)
SPAM IS GOOD FOOD
An email titled How to Keep a Health Level of Insanity
is making the rounds. For those of you who haven't seen it, here are some
highlights: 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on
and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2) Page
yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 4) Every time
someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 5) Put
your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." 8) In the memo field of
all your cheques, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS". 9) Finish all your sentences
with "In accordance with the prophecy." 12) Ask people what sex they are.
Laugh hysterically after they answer. 13) Specify that your drive-through
order is "to go." 19) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!",
"I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!" 20) When leaving the zoo, start running
towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
THE LIVING WILL ENVY THE DEAD
Mike Parrish of Great Britain, owner of a
1952 Royal Air Force bunker which can protect 200 people behind
10-foot-thick concrete walls buried 80 feet below the ground, is selling
off spots incase of future terrorist attacks. Prices start at $43,500 per
tenant, and rates go up in case of nuclear or biological attack. Parrish is
carefully screening people, saying "they should have useful skills like
engineering, although I would consier admitting a comedian, to keep us all
amused." But the really tough part is going to be living in a confined
space with gullible paranoids who have way too much money. A fate worse
than death, if you ask me. (Times of London)
THOROUGHLY UNSATISFACTORY EXPLANATIONS
A New Zealand woman who put her
three-month-old daughter in a fire in order to save the world had a strange
story for the police. "I am confused," the 29-year-old Auckland woman said,
" I know I put the baby on the coals. I thought it was the only way to save
the world. I thought that my baby was Jesus, Mum was God. I thought I had
to save the world by sacrificing my baby...Tonight I basically lost the
plot for a couple of seconds. The devil may have got hold of my mind for a
minute. I don't know ... at the time I thought I was doing the right
thing." (www.stuff.co.nz)
AND IF SHE CAN GIVE BIRTH TO A COUPLE OF SIDESHOW FREAKS, BONUS!
An
Ecuadorian acrobat, trick motorcyclist, trapeze artiste, magician, dancer
and clown is searching for a wife who will help him achieve his dream of
creating a family circus. Wilmer Granda Vega, 28, will have his future wife
sign legal documents which will force her to have 12 children, one after
another, which he will train in all the circus arts. "Some people think I'm
crazy," Wilmer says, "but I love children. It will be spectacular when I
finally achieve my dream." (Extra newspaper)
WHEN PIGS FLY
A police officer and law enforcement pilot in Albuquerque
are under investigation after they used a police patrol helicopter to make
a late night run to the local Krispy Kreme in order to pick up a box of
donuts. (Albuquerque Journal)
THE LOVE SHACK
Maybe it's time to move to Germany. Last year I reported on
a town in the Netherlands which had opened a drive-through hashish stop for
German tourists. Now, the world's first drive-through brothel has opened in
Cologne. Clients drive into one of eight converted garages and press a
buzzer to get a prostitute. The "Sex Garages" (officially called "Relief
Boxes") are designed to protect woman who normally work on the street,
and reduce steet crime and robberies on prostitutes and clients. (Ananova)
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Copyright 2001 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 603-4699
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com