September 27, 2001
IS THAT SATAN OR ONE OF THE MISSING TELETUBBIES?
Is it safe to laugh yet? Probably not, but some dipstick is actually posting pictures on the web of the image of Satan in the smoke plumes of the doomed World Trade Centres. Who knew Satan was such a cute little chubby fella?
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW, IS A THREE-DAY-LONG ORGY
Organizers from
Brazil's Hedonist Club have been forced to move their three-day sex
party to a secret location after police closed down the sauna club
where the event was to take place. The 50-hour sex marathon in Rio de
Janeiro was expected to attract 1,500 participants. (Ananova)
IF YOU OUTLAW ORGIES, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE ORGIES
Police in Spain
report that five tourists who had been filming themselves having an
orgy at a resort beach, were arrested, charged with exhibitionism, and
thrown in the paddy wagon to be taken to the station. When they
arrived, police opened the van door to discover the group had gone
right back at it. "The women where 'pleasing' the men," reported one
police officer. (Diario Informacion newspaper)
I'M GONNA BE THE HEALTHIEST OLD GUY ALIVE!
Medical staff and care
givers at seniors homes in Denmark report that watching porn films and
hiring prostitutes has far better effects on the health of old people
than vitamins, medicines, and other drugs. Staff at several homes in
Denmark have started screening weekly porn flicks and some residents
enjoy regular visits from prostitutes. Lars Petersen, a spokesperson
for care workers in Denmark, reports that pornography is "healthier,
cheaper and easier to use than medicine." Another care worker states
"it is time we show the elderly some respect and take their needs
seriously, including the sexual ones." (Ananova)
IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING
Okay, so before you ask why, exactly, I was
at www.dolphinsex.org... well, it's my job, really. Here then, for
purely educational reasons of course, are some tips on how to tell if a
dolphin wants to have sex with you: "Males are probably the easiest to
detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between
10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about
swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand.
If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body,
or wrap it around your wrist
or ankle. Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also
denotes sexual excitement. Females can be a little harder. The most
obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is
the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen,
making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they
may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up
to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with
pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals
up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic
thrusts against you."
CALLING ALL FROGS
Swarms of locusts have descended upon parts of
western China, causing farmers to plead with Chinese residents to
supply 5,000 snakes, 20,000 sparrows and 200,000 frogs to fight the
nasty critters. The Xinhua news agency quotes Bi Fubin, who has
meticulously calculated the number of locust eaters needed in order to
avoid using pesticides, saying that 200,000 frogs could easily be
supplied "if each restaurant in China kills one less frog every day."
DON'T QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD
A bank robber in Germany who thought he
had lost the police during a 100+ mph chase outside of Munich was
arrested while waiting for change at a road toll. (The Independent)
MAY YOU LIVE IN CURIOUS TIMES
What a total bummer. Turns out that my
favourite Chinese curse - "May you live in interesting times" - isn't
actually a curse at all, but was taken from the 1900 book The Wallet of
Kai Lung. Two other curses follow: "May you come to the attention of
those in high places" and "May the gods grant your prayers." (The
Guardian)
MOST MUSIC IS ALREADY "GARBAGE NOISE"
Sony has unveiled its newest
weapon in the battle against CD piracy. The Cactus Data Shield adds
"garbage noise" and distortion to music that is copied on a CD-ROM
burner, not only making the tunes unlistenable, but potentially ruining
amplifiers and speakers during playback. (New Scientist)
Go to:
Copyright 2001 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 603-4699
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com
