August 16, 2001

TEENAGE ANGST, AND THEN SOME

Two separate studies were released last week that showed disturbing trends for today's teenagers. The first, released by the American Journal of Health Behaviour, stated that over 25% of American teens are "highly unsatisfied" with their lives, and that this unhappiness manifests in violent and aggressive behaviour, including carrying guns to school. In the survey which included questions about family, friends, living environment, self-image, and school, most teenagers expressed the most dissatisfaction with school. A second survey of teen life, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that one in five teenage girls have been abused by their boyfriends, and that these girls were four to six times more likely to get pregnant and eight to nine times more likely to attempt suicide. (Boston Globe/ABC News)

HEY BABY, NICE BREAST WARTS

Swiss relationshp counsellor Klaus Herr has written a book entitled Blissful Words, in order to help encourage German Christians to talk about sex without shame or guilt. One of the main reasons for the book, says Herr, was due to the thoroughly unsexy nature of the German language. For example, he says, the German word for nipples is "brustwartz," which literally translates as "breast warts." "How many less erotic words can you think of for this most beautiful part of a woman's body?" he asks. "Instead you should use words like buds, heaven's berries or love's eyes." (Ananova)

"FEED ME YOU BASTARD"

Japan continues to be just one step ahead in the useless electronics department. The next goody to be offered up is the "Bow-lingual," a device that will record your dog's bark, analyse its emotional content, and then beam one of 200 descriptive words such as "happy" or "annoyed" to your doggy pager. Thrilling. (Reuters)

SOME IDEAS JUST DON'T GO TOGETHER

Greenpeace is hosting the world's first environmentally correct rave, called "Ecosystem 1.0" in the jungles of Brazil. Organizers hope to attract tens of thousands of clubbers from around the world for the four-day dance party that will "use music and culture to communicate environmental awareness." But, of course, what they'll really get is tens of thousands of pounds of garbage, hundreds of smog-belching camper vans and endless plastic water bottles chucked in the forest. Good idea! (Reuters)

AND YOU THOUGHT COYOTES WERE A PROBLEM

The Mongol Messenger reported in June that a mysterious "yeti" like creature attacked a schoolteacher in the mountains of Gobi-Altai Arimag. The creature was described as "strong and hairy" and jumped around on its hind legs like a monkey.

WORLD'S YOUNGEST ADRENALIN JUNKIE, PART II

Last year I was forced to report on the psychologically inept parents who took their four-year-old sky-diving in order to break the record for world's youngest skydiver. Well, that didn't last long. Last week, a man in Holland strapped in his two-year-old daughter for a 14,000-foot plunge to once again rewrite the record books. The child's mother was quoted as saying that her daughter was "emotionally overwhelmed" by the experience. You don't say... (CNN)

I THOUGHT WOMEN LIKED SLOW HANDS

And in another stupefying world record breaking attempt, 31-year-old Jason Dahmer has asked the judges at Guinness to create a new category for "World's Fastest Bra Unclasper." For some bizarre reason, they've agreed, and will be sending a delegation to watch Dahmer unclasp as many womn's bras as he can in under a minute. (UPI)

A MAN WILL SAY ANYTHING FOR SEX

Jess Guevarra, a "faith healer" from the Philippines, last week pleaded not guilty on charges of sexual assault, after he was hired by an American woman to help exorcise two demons which she believed were possessing her. According to the police report, he took her to his room and had sex with her, saying "this will be how I get the demons out of you." (Reuters)

RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO JESUS' CONDO

A self-described wizard in Italy has been arrested after selling an "apartment in heaven" to a teenager for $7000. (The Oregonian)

IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A PROBLEM IF HE HAD JUST PAID THE GOING RATE

And one more from the "Stupid Criminals" file. A man in Edmonton was arrested last week after flashing his police badge to a prostitute and asking for a reduced rate on sex. He was promptly arrested for impersonatring an officer by the undercover cop who had been posing as the prostiture. (Ananova)

HALLOWEEN FREAKSHOW

33-year-old Paul Morgan of Mississippi, in an attempt to replace his partially paralyzed legs with prosthetic limbs, is planning to amputate his lower legs with a home-built guillotine in a pay-per-view showing on the interent. Because the amputation is not "medically necessary," his health insurance refuses to pay, so, on Halloween night, Paul hopes 15,000 people will pay $20 each to watch him hack off his own legs. He hopes the stunt will help him buy new legs, and serve as "a protest against the medical insurance industry." Check it out at www.cutoffmyfeet.com. (BBC)

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