August 9, 2001
I GUESS IT'S TIME TO SEND MISSIONARIES TO OTHER PLANETS
A close
associate of the Pope, Monsignor Corrado Balducci, has told Italian
media that the Vatican believes that extraterrestrial contact is a
real phenomenon. Monsignor Balducci is on a Vatican commission that is
researching ET encounters and formulating options to deal with the
realization of ET contact. Balducci added that the Roman Catholic
Church emphasizes that these encounters "are not demonic" or caused by
"psychological impairment." (www.world-action.co.uk)
FIND THE ENEMY, KILL THE OCEANS
Looks like the U.S. military is at it
again. This time, it's the Navy, who have been secretly testing their
"Low Frequency Active" (LFA) sonar in the world's oceans for years,
and in the process deafening and killing dolphins and whales. Now the
Navy is seeking approval to deploy LFA Sonar (which is designed to
detect enemy submarines) across 80 per cent of the world's oceans.
Scientists are concerned that acoustic waves from the LFA, which is
billions of times more intense than that known to disturb whale
migration and communication, will damage their hearing and interfere
with "vital biological activities of marine mammals." Others fear that
long-term exposure to LFA could push entire populations of dolphins or
whales to extinction. Anyone who cares is asked to help protest this
move at the website of the Natural Resources Defense Council at
www.nrdc.org.
SIZE IS IMPORTANT
Here's one you don't hear everyday: 20-year-old
Lami Gwarmu'u of Ghana is asking a court to dissolve her marriage
because she claims her husband possesses an "over-sized genital" that
she fears will "tear me apart" if it ever enters her. She told the
court that several unsuccessful attempts at sex with her husband ended
with only the head of his immense organ fitting inside her.
(www.ghanaweb.com)
THE FUTURE IS PHAT
Among the many predictions tossed around at the
annual convention of the World Future Society last week, comes the
news from Thomas T. Samaras, a science and medical researcher from San
Diego, that "based on current trends, 100 percent of Americans will be
obese" within the next 100 years. (Milwaukee Journal Sentinal)
FROM THE ALWAYS FRIGHTENING "MESSING WITH MOTHER NATURE" DEPARTMENT
A
Florida company has invented a powder that they claim has successfully
removed clouds from the sky and may be able to stop the development of
hurricanes. The company claims to have used a military aircraft to
drop four tonnes of its powder on a storm cloud, which then
disappeared from radar screens. Despite giving no indication of what
the substance is, they claim that it is "completely safe and
bio-degradable." Yeah, right... (BBC)
GET THE GHOSTS IN SEPARATE ROOMS AND TRICK THEM INTO TESTIFYING
AGAINST EACH OTHER
Two girls in East Java were killed last week
during a stampede of about 100 students who panicked after a girl
began screaming that evil spirits were entering the hall.
Unfortunately, police investigating the incident were unable to arrest
the ghosts. "How can we investigate something we can't see?" the local
police chief was quoted as saying. (detik.com)
BE VERY AFRAID
Meanwhile, in Zanzibar, residents fear that a ghost by
the name of Popo Bawa is once again on a terrorizing spree. The ghost
is described as "sexually voracious," and usually attacks men, who it
sodomises while they sleep. Ugghh... (BBC)
SOMETHING IN THE WATER
Scientists in the Indian state of Kerala are
studying an unusual phenomena that started last week when
scarlet-coloured rain began to fall in villages in the districts of
Kottayam and Idukki. Since then, green, yellow, brown and black rains
have fallen in eight other districts in Kerala. Experts say they will
need about three weeks to analyze the rainwater, but theorize that
atmospheric dust may be colouring the rain. (BBC)
WHY WE NEED FACT CHECKERS AND PROOF READERS
A retraction printed in
the Prague Post last week admitted this factual error: "Last week's
column misidentified a source. The European Commission president is
Romano Prodi, not Buffy the Vampire Slayer." (Chicago Sun-Times)
ALL IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE
John Jackson, one of the few scientists in
the world who is considered an expert on the Shroud of Turin, has been
doing experiments to prove the validity of the Shroud for the past 27
years. For his next bit of research, he is seeking a 5-foot-10, 175
-pound man to be crucified a la Christ himself. Don't worry, he won't
be pounding any nails into your wrist; still, it doesn't sound like
the most enjoyable experience. Offer yourself up at
www.shroudofturin.com.
DO THE DOG
The prudes at the mainstream organizaton Origami USA won't acknowlege
it, but Pornigami, the art of erotic origami is growing thanks to
websites like the Origami Underground (underground.zork.net). There you
can learn to fold your paper into one of a dozen naughty positions,
including "The Dog" (pictured here), "The Missionary," and "The Lonely
Man."
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Copyright 2001 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 603-4699
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com
