November 18, 1999
BUY NOTHING DAY
Don't forget, next Friday, November 26
is Buy Nothing Day. You are encouraged to reclaim your
power as a consumer and give business the big goose-egg
on this day. Now in its eighth year, last year's event
had approximately one million people join the
non-celebration. Spawned by our friends at Adbusters,
Buy Nothing Day is, they say, "a simple idea with deep
implications. It forces us to think about the
'shop-till-you-drop' imperative and its effects on the
rest of the world." Well, maybe. Read on...
STEAL
SOMETHING DAY
In direct opposition to Buy Nothing Day,
a few self-described anarcho-situationists from
Montreal are launching the first ever Steal Something
Day, a shameless 24-hour stealing spree! Their
manifesto trashes Adbusters grandiose dreams with some
harsh words: "The geniuses at Adbusters have managed to
create the perfect feel-good, liberal, middle-class
activist non-happening...a day when the more money you
make, the more influence you have (like every other
day). A day which, by definition, is insulting to the
millions of people worldwide who are too poor or
marginalized to be considered 'consumers'... Instead of
downplaying or ignoring the capitalists, CEOs,
landlords, small business tyrants, bosses, PR hacks,
yuppies, media lapdogs, corporate bureaucrats,
politicians and cops who are primarily responsible for
misery and exploitation in this world, Steal Something
Day demands that we steal from them, without
discrimination...Unlike the misplaced Buy Nothing Day
notion of consumer empowerment, Steal Something Day
promotes empowerment by urging us to collectively
identify the greedy bastards who are actually
responsible for promoting misery and boredom in this
world. Instead of ignoring them, Steal Something Day
encourages us to make their lives as uncomfortable as
possible." Here's hoping they'll pay my bail.
ET PHONE
911
British paramedics rushed a child's toy to the
hospital last week fearing they had found a human fetus
that they assumed came from a women's miscarriage.
Instead, hospital examination revealed they had found
an alien egg toy, which resembles a tiny unborn child
curled in a fetal position and suspended in a gooey
placenta-like substance. (Reuters)
BIG BANKS OR BIG BABIES?
A new law in Santa Monica, California,
forbids banks to charge non-customers to use their
automatic teller machines (ATM's). In response, Wells
Fargo and Bank of America have decided not to let
non-customers use their ATM's at all, and are
challenging the ordinance in federal court. (UPI)
START SAVING UP NOW
The Impotence World Association
(who'd admit to being a member of that club?) reports
that within 25 years it will be possible to
artificially grow penises and vaginas that can be
implanted as functioning organs in humans. (Fox News)
LIFE INSIDE THE CUBICLE
A contest asking people to
submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type
managers, received these nuggets: "As of tomorrow,
employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken
next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards
in two weeks." "This project is so important, we can't
let things that are more important interfere with it."
"Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." "We
know that communication is a problem, but the company
is not going to discuss it with the employees." And my
personal favorite boss-ism, "If I had wanted it
tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for
it."
AN EXHIBIT FOR THE KIDS
The Florida
Department of Corrections has denied the applications
of two museums requesting to display an electric chair
that put 238 inmates to death. "Old Sparky," built in
1923, was recently retired after flames shot out of the
heads of two condemned men during their executions.
(Reuters)
TRY CALLING GOD WITH ONE OF THESE
THINGS
Siesta Telecom, a company out of Florida, has
negotiated a deal with the Vatican to market a series
of prepaid long distance telephone cards bearing a
picture of the Pope, his signature, his seal, and his
blessing. The Vatican will get one dollar for each ten
dollar card sold, which will help pay for the Catholic
Church's Jubilee 2000 celebration. No mention is made
of whether using these cards will shorten your wait in
purgatory. (UPI)
BRAWN BEFORE BRAINS
Mice, apparently, get
smarter with exercise. A study from the University of
Illinois concluded that mice who had access to an
exercise wheel in their cage where better at solving
puzzles than their counterparts who had no wheel in
their cage, and the mice who worked out grew more brain
cells than those who didn't. (National Academy of
Sciences)
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Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt
(604) 803-7485
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com