November 11, 1999

TOTALLY RADICAL

Local eco-foresters calling themselves "Genetix Goblins" destroyed approximately 1000 trees grown for genetic engineering (GE) research at the Westfor Forestry Centre in Saanich on Halloween night. According to their press release of Nov. 1, "...it is clear that this corporate timber beast (Westfor) is planning to replace temperate rainforests with transgenic tree pharms...How can we sit back and wait for this biopollution to occur? The only way to intercept the release of biohazards into the environment is to derail this runaway "Frankenscience" now!...By carrying out this act of economic sabotage on pre-GE research we've prevented a greater evil and stopped the increasing contamination of an apocalyptic biotech vision." The group promises that Biotech doesn't stand a chance in Canada, and encourages all to "destroy the monocultures of your mind."

HAVE A DAY

You probably missed Plan Your Epitaph Day, on Nov. 2, but there is still time to celebrate Homemade Bread Day, Nov. 17, Have a Bad Day Day, Nov. 19, or Stay Home Because You're Well Day, on Nov. 30.

THOSE CRAZY COLLEGE KIDS

A low-brow community television comedy show, appropriately titled Crapfest,has finally attracted the controversy it has craved for over two years due to an episode that took the show's rude humour to a new low. The "Chicken Episode" featured the hosts of the program demonstrating their knowledge of a vagina on a rotisserie-cooked cornish hen. The skit included how to insert a tampon and use a sanitary pad, how to clean a vagina, how to remove ovaries, how to reach the G spot, how to use a vibrator, and how to stimulate the clitoris. The show might never have been noticed, had it not been replayed at 11 a.m. the next morning, peak viewing time for toddlers and senior citizens. (Boston Phoenix)

WHAT A CUTE FUR COAT

An 18-month long investigation by the Humane Society of the United States has exposed the slaughter of more than two million dogs and cats each year for use in the manufacture of fur clothing, accessories, and toy stuffed animals. The investigation focussed on China, Thailand and the Phillipines, but also found dog and cat fur sold in the U.S., where there are currently no regulations for any item under $150 to be labeled as consisting of dog or cat fur. (Sightings)

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU

Echelon, the code name for the global computer network that can eavesdrop on every single phone call, fax or e-mail on the planet, has, until now, been considered more paranoid fantasy than hard news. Now, the BBC has received confirmation from the Australian government that the network really does exist, and is directly linked to the headquarters of the U.S. National Security Agency at Fort Mead in Maryland, and a series of other listening posts across the world. According to the report: "Every international telephone call, fax, e-mail, or radio transmission can be listened to by powerful computers capable of voice recognition. They home in on a long list of key words, or patterns of messages. They are looking for evidence of international crime, like terrorism."

FASHION VICTIMS

Trendy Japanese women love their platform shoes. Along with artifically tanned skin, dyed silver-blonde hair, skimpy skirts and glittery eye shadow, the standard issue shoes for the fashionably hip in Japan are platforms up to twelve inches high. Unfortunately, the trend has claimed two victims in the past week. A passenger died in a car crash when the driver could not brake when her heels got in the way, and a 25-year-old women was found dead after suffering a skull fracture after toppling over her five-inch high sandals. (Reuters)

BLOODY POLITICS

Liberian president Charles Taylor has been accused of indulging in human sacrifice and the ritualistic consumption of human body parts during the country's seven-year-long civil war. Tom Woewiyu, Liberia's defense minister during Taylor's rule, claims to have been an eyewitness to the gory rituals, and was involved in the creation of the Top 20, a specialized unit of killers responsible for the murder and dissection of numerous Liberians during Taylor's ruthless quest for political power.

SURVIVAL OF THE DUMBEST

Scientists now state that humans are causing the extinction of species at a rate rivaling Earth's five previous mass extinctions. "We are predicting the extinction of about two-thirds of all bird, mammal, butterfly and plant species by the end of the next century," states Peter Raven, president of the International Botanical Congress.

WHEN COWS JAYWALK

A freak accident killed a driver in Solano County, California, when a low-flying cow smashed through the windshield of his pickup. The 750 lb. cow was first hit by a Mercedes, which threw the animal into the oncoming truck. (Reuters)

STOOPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK

A man who tried to rob an Anchorage Holiday Inn was brought down by 30 police officers who were attending a police training conference at the hotel. (Anchorage Daily News)

DEATH BY SCIENCE

Fears of the financially motivated shift towards secrecy in controversial areas of scientific research were validated last week when the Washington Post reported that six deaths in the last 19 months due to gene therapy experiments were not reported to the National Institute of Health. It appears that as genetic research becomes dominated by private industry, drug companies and scientists with a financial stake in their research are challenging federal regulations that are supposed to oversee the safety of the research.

BUTT UGLY

Elizabeth O'Bryan, of Woodbury, Connecticut, has won $5000 and bragging rights in America's fifth annual Ugly Couch Contest, with her orange, yellow and black 1970s-era swirl sofa.

NOW HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY?

A new law in California requires service stations to provide free air and water to motorists. (UPI)

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Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt (604) 803-7485
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com