September 16, 1999

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO ICKE

David Icke, dubbed "the world's most controversial speaker", is in Vancouver this week filming episode one of a 13-part television series based on his rather unconventional ideas (briefly: shape-shifting reptilians control the financial elite who drive global politics). If you haven't yet had the pleasure of having your mind blown by this brilliant writer, check out ...And the truth shall set you free, and The Biggest Secret, which combined total over 1,000 pages of meticulously researched and thoroughly documented material that will give even the blandest thinker something to get paranoid about.

COLD GOOD, WARM BAD

Scientists at Syracuse University have raised fears that ancient viruses frozen within glaciers and icepacks may be released if global warming continues. Strains of influenza, smallpox or polio buried within the ice may still be infectious due to their strong protein coats which allow them to survive harsh environments.

BRAVE NEW SCIENCE

A study entitled "The Effect of the Smell and Taste of Pepperidge Farm Garlic Bread on Family Interactions" has concluded that "eating Pepperidge Farms Garlic Bread (at the dinner table) reduced the number of negative family interactions by 22.7 per cent and increased the number of pleasant interactions by 7.4 per cent." By sheer coincidence the study was funded by Campbell Soup, owners of Pepperidge Farms. (Harper's)

SHOULD WE CELEBRATE OR WHAT?

The United Nations Population Fund estimates that on August 15th India's one billionth citizen was born. As well, the UN declared that Oct. 12, 1999 will be the day the six-billionth human is born. I wonder what date the UN will peg as the official "Overpopulated Earth Day"?

IN LOVE OR INSANE?

New Scientist magazine reports that Italian researchers have found a surprising link between being in love and suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Struck by how OCD sufferers' obsessive emotions mirrored those of people newly in love, the researchers compared Serotonin levels between 20 lovesick Italian students and 20 people with OCD, and discovered that both groups had similarly low levels of the brain chemical. Fortunately, when the students were tested a year later, their Serotonin levels had returned to normal as their obsession with their partners had died down.

THE STRESS IS GETTING TO HIM

A Californian dentist has started a line of neckties decorated with magnified pictures of diseases from microscope slides. According to Dr. Freeman, "the gonorrhea tie is the best looking tie in the whole lot...the syphilis tie is gorgeous. The plague tie is pretty, but it's sold out." (Reuters)

HERE COMES THE SON

Tourism Israel is preparing for more than four million tourists this New Year's Eve, twice the normal number, who are expected to flock to Jerusalem for the official 2,000th anniversary of Christ's birth. Many millenialists have travelled to Jerusalem specifically to get front row seats to the return of their Lord. If you can't afford the trip, hit www.olivetree.com, where you can view the MessiahCam. 24 hours a day this camera is trained on the Golden Gate in Jerusalem, supposedly the gates through which Christ will arrive when he returns to Earth. (Reuters)

IT'S A DIRTY JOB

Hookers specializing in sado-masochism should learn how to sterilize their whips, state the guidelines in "Hustling for Health", a new safety handbook developed for all European Union sex trade workers.

BREASTFEEDING FROGS

Despite police assurances that the story is a hoax, hysteria is sweeping Zimbabwe over reports that a tycoon picks up women in his limousine and forces them to breastfeed a large frog, after which the victims die or disappear. (London Times)

A ONCE IN A LIFETIME DEAL

A tongue-in-cheek website offering $250 to anyone willing to accept an ID chip in the palm of their hand has received serious replies and credit card numbers from people willing to take up the offer. The site, www.idchip.com, created as a humourous psychological examination has convinced its creator that there will be little resistance when the "mark of the beast" is finally introduced.

TOO SMART FOR THEIR OWN GOOD

Scientists have finally developed a technique to cool brains enough to make human head transplants feasible. This solves the problem of brain death during this operation, which has already been performed successfully on dogs and monkeys, but leaves one minor obstacle: surgeons still cannot reconnect or regrow severed spinal nerves, so anyone who underwent a head transplant would be paralyzed from the neck down. (New York Times)

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Copyright 2000 by Andreas Ohrt (604) 803-7485
Email:aohrt@hotmail.com
Website:www.curioustimes.com